| Prologue | |
| The Central Issue of Our Existence | p. 3 |
| Separation Is an Illusion | p. 4 |
| Who Are we, Anyway? | |
| Some Basic Psychology | p. 10 |
| You and I: the Religious Model | p. 11 |
| You and I: the Freudian Model | p. 12 |
| You and I: the Behaviorist Model | p. 14 |
| You and I: the Humanistic Model | p. 17 |
| The Qualities of Self-actualized People | p. 19 |
| You and I: the Actualizations Model | p. 21 |
| Creative Intelligence | p. 24 |
| Let's Kill Some Sacred Cows in the Arena of Human Growth | p. 25 |
| How we got to be the way we are, and the Transformation of our Relationship with Ourselves | |
| The Birth of Separation | p. 32 |
| Life Before Birth | p. 32 |
| A Ticket to the Show | p. 34 |
| What Do We Do When Life Is No Fun? | p. 35 |
| The Form Junkie | p. 36 |
| Temporary Well-being--the Carrot We Run After | p. 39 |
| Moving Up to Doubt and Confusion | p. 41 |
| Fear of Worsening | p. 42 |
| What Do you Really Want, Anyway? | p. 42 |
| The Only Way Out | p. 43 |
| What Does Transformation Taste Like? | p. 44 |
| Example: The Transformation of Your Relationship with Fear | p. 45 |
| Getting Detached from Form | p. 47 |
| How to be Committed to Our Own Well-being | p. 48 |
| A Viewpoint of Accountability | p. 48 |
| Wisdom, Humor, and Simplicity | p. 50 |
| Clarity | p. 51 |
| Clarity and Relationship | p. 52 |
| Power | p. 52 |
| Action--the Tools of Change and Transformation | p. 54 |
| The Ultimate and Only Security We Have | p. 55 |
| Our Relationship with out Parents | |
| The Mechanics of a Conditioned Reality | p. 58 |
| The First Event in Our Life | p. 60 |
| The Next Event: the Day We Decided We Were Not Okay | p. 63 |
| The Birth of the Act | p. 64 |
| Event Number Three: the Day We Decided We Couldn't Win | p. 65 |
| How We Solve the Problem of Avoiding Losing | p. 66 |
| Don't Play | p. 66 |
| Keep Others from Winning | p. 67 |
| Don't Complete Anything | p. 68 |
| Destroy the Game | p. 68 |
| Play the Nice-guy Routine | p. 69 |
| Become a Problem | p. 69 |
| Don't Take It Personally | p. 71 |
| The Transformation of our Relationship with our Body | |
| Shake Hands with Your Body | p. 76 |
| The Secret of Going All the Way | p. 77 |
| Don't Make the Trip More Important than the Reason You Took the Trip | p. 79 |
| "Caution: Living May Be Hazardous to Your Health" | p. 80 |
| Be Good to Yourself | p. 80 |
| The Body as a Source of Our Liberation | p. 81 |
| A Final Note About Health | p. 82 |
| Without Communication, There is Nothing | |
| Communication Is the Basis of Relationship | p. 87 |
| Are You In There? | p. 87 |
| Reality | p. 88 |
| Tennis, Anyone? | p. 91 |
| How to Listen Loudly | p. 92 |
| The Art of Disengagement, or How Not to Take Everything Personally | p. 94 |
| Listening for Effects | p. 96 |
| A Sixty-forty Proposition | p. 96 |
| Listening for Our Own Response | p. 98 |
| Listening for Patterns | p. 98 |
| Listening for Discord | p. 99 |
| How Not to Listen | p. 100 |
| Listening for Feelings | p. 102 |
| Listening for What Is Not Being Said | p. 103 |
| We Hear What We Want to Hear and See What We Want to See | p. 104 |
| Passive Listening Won't Work | p. 105 |
| How to Know When You Are Being Heard | p. 106 |
| Transforming Our Romantic Relationships | |
| How to Transform Our Romantic Relationships | p. 110 |
| The Difference Between Being in Love and Falling in It | p. 111 |
| "You Are I, and I Love Myself" | p. 112 |
| Being in Love | p. 113 |
| Love Is Insufficient Grounds for a Relationship | p. 114 |
| The Difference Between Commitment and Attachment | p. 117 |
| What Do We Really Want from Each Other? | p. 117 |
| The Importance of Equality | p. 118 |
| The All-important Quantum et Solace | p. 119 |
| The Form Supports the Purpose | p. 119 |
| A Fundamental Principle of Relationships | p. 120 |
| The Real Purpose of a Relationship | p. 121 |
| Where to Begin | p. 122 |
| Two Halves Make a Quarter | p. 123 |
| It Is Not Nice to Be Needed | p. 124 |
| How We Manipulate and Control | p. 124 |
| Surrender | p. 125 |
| Don't Require That You Partner Be Psychic | p. 127 |
| If You Want Something, Ask | p. 127 |
| How Do I Know if I Can Trust You? | p. 128 |
| How to Be Together | p. 129 |
| One Person Can Transform a Relationship | p. 130 |
| It Takes Great Courage to Be a Great Lover | p. 131 |
| Transforming Your Relationship with Your Own Sexuality | |
| Both Men and Women Are People | p. 134 |
| The Nonsense We Are Sold About Being a Man | p. 135 |
| How to Get Beyond the Conditioning | p. 140 |
| Are Women Better than Men? | p. 141 |
| What Is This Thing Called Sex? | p. 142 |
| The Relationships we Call Friendship | |
| What Friendship Isn't | p. 148 |
| Your Enemies Contribute More to You than Your Friends | p. 149 |
| What Is a True Friendship? | p. 149 |
| Whom to Hang Out with | p. 150 |
| Being Graciously Uncomfortable | p. 151 |
| What Is a Friend? | p. 153 |
| An Exercise in Appreciation | p. 153 |
| How to Transform Your Relationship with Your Children | |
| Children Are People with Small Bodies | p. 156 |
| The Greatest Contribution You Can Make to Your Child | p. 157 |
| The Vital Art of Acknowledgment | p. 158 |
| "They're Only Children" | p. 159 |
| Take the Time to Listen | p. 159 |
| Children Can Be Our Teachers | p. 161 |
| The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Children | p. 162 |
| How to Support Your Children | p. 164 |
| Acknowledgment Works | p. 165 |
| Some Rules of Acknowledgment | p. 166 |
| Relationship with the Boss | |
| Enlightenment in Business | p. 170 |
| The Challenge of Enlightened Management | p. 170 |
| What Is Englightened Management? | p. 171 |
| The Greatest Opportunity There Is | p. 171 |
| Transforming a Business: Where to Start | p. 172 |
| The Second Step: "Who Wants to Play?" | p. 173 |
| The Third Step: "What Can We Give Each Other?" | p. 174 |
| The Final Step: Getting On with It | p. 175 |
| A Case History | p. 176 |
| The Actualizations Staff | p. 177 |
| Some Mistakes Businesses Make | p. 179 |
| Don't Accept Problems Without Proposed Solutions | p. 179 |
| What Happens When We Are the Employee | p. 181 |
| Why Would Anyone Hire Us? | p. 181 |
| It's Nothing Personal--Just Business | p. 182 |
| It's All the Same | p. 183 |
| How to Transform Your Relationship with Reality | |
| This Way to the Guru | p. 186 |
| What Is Englightenment? | p. 187 |
| Is This Permanent Enlightenment? | p. 188 |
| Become a Master of Reality | p. 188 |
| Everything You Wanted to Know About Failure but Were Afraid to Ask | p. 189 |
| Where to start: Fear of Failure | p. 189 |
| Yellow Alerts and Red Alerts | p. 194 |
| The Source of Failure | p. 195 |
| Spectrum of Failure | p. 196 |
| Say Hello to Your Companion | p. 198 |
| An Exercise | p. 198 |
| If You Make Reality Your Enemy, You Lose | p. 200 |
| Transforming Your Relationship with Life--The Pursuit of Purposes and Goals | |
| Why Have Goals Become a Rip-off? | p. 206 |
| What is a Goal, Anyway? | p. 208 |
| The Myth of Independence | p. 210 |
| What Do You Want Out of Life? | p. 211 |
| What Is the Purpose of Life? | p. 212 |
| What Do We Really Want? | p. 215 |
| Getting On with It | p. 218 |
| What If I Had Just Six Months to Live? | p. 220 |
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