| Preface | p. ix |
| Acknowledgments | p. xiii |
| Understanding Infidelity | |
| All Affairs Are Not the Same | p. 3 |
| Types of Affairs | p. 4 |
| Affairs | p. 4 |
| Serial Affairs | p. 5 |
| Flings | p. 8 |
| Romantic Love Affairs | p. 11 |
| Long-Term Affairs | p. 13 |
| Affairs Without Touching: Are They Cheating? | p. 17 |
| Emotional Affairs | p. 17 |
| You Don't Have to Have Sex to Cheat | p. 18 |
| Emotional Affairs with Coworkers | p. 18 |
| Emotional Affairs with Friends and Neighbors | p. 19 |
| Danger Zone | p. 21 |
| Internet Affairs | p. 22 |
| The Mysterious Properties of the Internet | p. 24 |
| Is This Really an Affair? | p. 28 |
| Types of Affairs | p. 31 |
| Emotional and Cyber Affairs | p. 32 |
| Why Affairs Happen | p. 33 |
| Transitional Anxiety | p. 35 |
| Unfulfilled Expectations | p. 39 |
| Unrealistic Ideas about Love and Marriage | p. 42 |
| Need for Attention | p. 43 |
| Boredom | p. 45 |
| The Unavailable Spouse | p. 46 |
| Lack of Sexual Desire | p. 48 |
| Poor-Risk Partners | p. 49 |
| An Affair with a Purpose | p. 52 |
| The Family Affair | p. 53 |
| The Homosexual Affair | p. 55 |
| The Exit Affair | p. 55 |
| Deception and Discovery | p. 57 |
| Decetpion | p. 57 |
| Types of Lies | p. 57 |
| Cyberlies | p. 58 |
| Secrets | p. 60 |
| Gender Differences | p. 60 |
| Discovery | p. 63 |
| Revealing an Affair | p. 65 |
| Should You Reveal Your Own Affair? | p. 66 |
| Past Affairs | p. 67 |
| Recent Affairs | p. 68 |
| Clues | p. 70 |
| Confrontation | p. 73 |
| A "Volcano of Pain" | p. 74 |
| The Impact | p. 76 |
| Coping and Healing | |
| Coping with the Pain | p. 79 |
| Grief and Loss | p. 79 |
| Denial | p. 80 |
| Anger | p. 80 |
| Bargaining | p. 81 |
| Depression | p. 81 |
| Acceptance | p. 82 |
| Expressing Sad Feelings | p. 83 |
| Obsessing | p. 83 |
| You Feel What You Think | p. 85 |
| The ABCs of Emotion | p. 86 |
| Challenge Your Negative Thoughts | p. 87 |
| Themes of Negative Thoughts | p. 87 |
| Thinking Distortions | p. 89 |
| The Daily Thought Record | p. 91 |
| Handling the Rage and Jealousy | p. 95 |
| Women's Anger | p. 96 |
| Men's Anger | p. 96 |
| Understanding Anger | p. 97 |
| Depression Is Always Anger Turned Inward | p. 97 |
| Talking Out Anger Gets Rid of It | p. 98 |
| It Helps to Blow Off Steam | p. 98 |
| Calming Yourself | p. 99 |
| Deep Breathing | p. 99 |
| Meditation | p. 100 |
| Visualization | p. 100 |
| "Just Because" | p. 101 |
| Changing Your Self-Talk | p. 101 |
| Calm Self-Talk | p. 103 |
| Strategic Self-Talk | p. 103 |
| Self-Reward Talk | p. 103 |
| Thinking Distortions That Fuel Anger | p. 103 |
| Labeling | p. 103 |
| Mind Reading | p. 104 |
| Magnification | p. 104 |
| Should Statements | p. 104 |
| Overcoming Your Internal Barriers | p. 104 |
| Expressing Your Anger Constructively | p. 105 |
| Experiencing Jealousy | p. 106 |
| Male/Female Differences | p. 107 |
| The Continuum | p. 108 |
| Managing Jealousy | p. 109 |
| Dealing with the Marital Crisis | |
| Decisions | p. 113 |
| Is Your Spouse Willing to Stop the Affair? | p. 114 |
| Can You and Your Spouse Work Through the Reasons? | p. 115 |
| What Is the Significance of the Affair to Your Spouse? | p. 115 |
| How Will Your Decision Affect Your Quality of Life? | p. 117 |
| How Does Your Life Stage Affect Your Decision? | p. 118 |
| Are Your Fears Keeping You in the Marriage? | p. 119 |
| Can the Love in Your Marriage Be Strengthened? | p. 120 |
| What about the Impact of Your Decision on Your Children? | p. 121 |
| What about AIDS and Other Sexually Transmitted Diseases? | p. 122 |
| Should We Separate? | p. 125 |
| How Do You Put These Factors Together? | p. 126 |
| Repairing the Relationship | p. 131 |
| Clearing the Emotional Air | p. 132 |
| Apologizing | p. 132 |
| Reparations | p. 134 |
| Forgiveness | p. 134 |
| Who Is to Blame? | p. 135 |
| Gender Differences | p. 137 |
| From Blaming to Understanding | p. 139 |
| Strengthening the Relationship | p. 140 |
| Reminiscing | p. 141 |
| Discussing Your Backgrounds | p. 143 |
| Rebuilding Trust | p. 144 |
| Changing Your Defeatist Beliefs | p. 146 |
| Communicating Honestly | p. 147 |
| Talk Time | p. 147 |
| Communication Skills | p. 148 |
| Addressing Sexual Problems | p. 149 |
| Rituals | p. 150 |
| The Post-Affair Marriage | p. 153 |
| Recommitment | p. 153 |
| Expectations | p. 154 |
| Resolving Differences | p. 156 |
| Negotiating Compromises | p. 158 |
| Improving Communication | p. 160 |
| Revitalizing Your Sexual Relationship | p. 162 |
| Communicate Your Needs | p. 162 |
| Enhancing Sexual Enjoyment | p. 163 |
| Relating Out of Bed | p. 164 |
| Relating Emotionally | p. 164 |
| Relating Intellectually | p. 165 |
| Relating Socially | p. 165 |
| Have Fun Together | p. 166 |
| Include Spontaneity | p. 166 |
| Loving Again | p. 167 |
| List Your Partner's Positive Qualities | p. 167 |
| Love Days | p. 168 |
| Surviving | |
| A New Beginning | p. 173 |
| Recovery from Divorce | p. 173 |
| The Triple S Cluster | p. 175 |
| Taking Care of Yourself | p. 178 |
| Social Support | p. 178 |
| New Traditions | p. 179 |
| Loneliness | p. 181 |
| Emotional Detachment | p. 183 |
| Children | p. 184 |
| Moving Forward | p. 187 |
| Increasing Your Self-Esteem | p. 189 |
| Self-Esteem and Infidelity | p. 190 |
| Enhancing Self-Esteem | p. 191 |
| Developing Self-Esteem | p. 191 |
| Challenging Childhood Messages | p. 193 |
| Society's Messages | p. 194 |
| Thinking Distortions | p. 195 |
| Self-Esteem and Assertiveness | p. 196 |
| Taking Care of Yourself | p. 197 |
| Self-Esteem and Family Interactions | p. 198 |
| Self-Esteem Building Exercises | p. 199 |
| What It Takes to Be a Survivor | p. 203 |
| Belief in Your Own Resourcefulness | p. 204 |
| Ability to Withstand Uncomfortable Feelings | p. 205 |
| Belief in Something Greater Than Yourself | p. 205 |
| Ability to See the Complexity of Events | p. 206 |
| Ability to View Events in a Time Frame | p. 207 |
| Ability to Formulate a Plan | p. 208 |
| Ability to Ask for Help and Support | p. 209 |
| Ability to Let Go of Resentment | p. 209 |
| Ability to Recognize the Power of Thoughts for Healing | p. 210 |
| Ability to Find Meaning in the Experience | p. 211 |
| Appendixes | |
| Love and Infidelity Quiz | p. 213 |
| References | p. 215 |
| Index | p. 225 |
| About the Authors | p. 239 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |
