| Introduction to the New Edition | p. xix |
| Who this Book is for and How to Use it | p. xxi |
| Physical Abuse | p. xxi |
| Sexual Abuse | p. xxii |
| Emotional Abuse | p. xxiii |
| Important Tools to Help You Understand Your Situation | p. xxv |
| How to Read this Book | p. xxxiv |
| Making the Decision to Leave or Stay | |
| Social and Political Aspects of Abuse | p. 1 |
| The History of Battering | p. 1 |
| The Masculine Role | p. 3 |
| Why Do Men Batter? | p. 5 |
| The Female Role | p. 7 |
| Why Do Women Stay? | p. 8 |
| Why Do Men Stay? | p. 9 |
| What Can Be Done? | p. 10 |
| Marriage and the Family: New and Traditional Values | p. 11 |
| What is a Family? | p. 11 |
| The Family in Perspective | p. 12 |
| Who Are You Listening To? | p. 13 |
| What is Important to You? | p. 14 |
| Weighing the Pros and Cons | p. 17 |
| Is it Ever Right to Break Up the Family? | p. 19 |
| Where Do Your Guilt Feelings Come From? | p. 19 |
| Suicide and "Cracking Up" | p. 20 |
| What About the Children? | p. 22 |
| Child Abuse | p. 25 |
| What Do the Children Deserve? | p. 29 |
| What Do You Owe Yourself? | p. 31 |
| Are You Somebody Besides Wife, Mother, or Girlfriend? | p. 31 |
| Reading His Feelings, Reading Yours | p. 33 |
| "What if it's Really my Fault?" | p. 34 |
| What Do You Deserve? | p. 36 |
| Getting Respect in the Workplace (at Home and on the Job) | p. 40 |
| Understanding What You Both Deserve | p. 41 |
| "But I Still Love Him" | p. 43 |
| What Does Being in Love Mean? | p. 43 |
| Romantic Love | p. 45 |
| Addictive Love | p. 47 |
| Nurturing Love | p. 49 |
| Reasons for Leaving Someone You Love | p. 49 |
| Making the Decision | p. 51 |
| How Serious are You? | p. 51 |
| What's the Worst That Can Happen if You Leave? | p. 52 |
| What's the Worst That Can Happen if You Stay with the Man? | p. 54 |
| Balancing the Scales | p. 56 |
| Making a Commitment to Stay | p. 59 |
| Leaving to Protect Yourself | p. 61 |
| Preparing to Leave Permanently | p. 64 |
| Getting Professional Help | p. 67 |
| The Problem of Sexism | p. 69 |
| Emergency Help from Doctors, Police, and Prosecutors | p. 72 |
| Medical Help | p. 72 |
| Police Intervention | p. 75 |
| How to Get the most Effective Police Response | p. 76 |
| When Will Police Make an Arrest? | p. 76 |
| Cooperating with the Prosecutor | p. 77 |
| What the Prosecutor Can and Can't Do | p. 79 |
| Dealing with the Prosecutor | p. 80 |
| How Can You Keep the Batterer Away? | p. 81 |
| Making Legal Decisions | p. 83 |
| When Should you Hire a Lawyer? | p. 83 |
| Divorce | p. 84 |
| Child Custody | p. 85 |
| Property Division, Alimony, and Child Support | p. 86 |
| Costs and Benefits of Support from the Man | p. 88 |
| Other Legal Problems | p. 89 |
| Interviewing the Lawyer | p. 89 |
| Evaluating the Lawyer | p. 91 |
| Getting Help from a Counselor | p. 94 |
| What Do You Want from a Counselor? | p. 94 |
| Finding a Counselor | p. 96 |
| The First Counseling Session | p. 99 |
| The Special Case of a Sexist Counselor | p. 101 |
| Advantages of a Woman Counselor | p. 102 |
| How to Evaluate the Counselor | p. 103 |
| Helping Yourself to Survival | p. 107 |
| You Can be Your Own Counselor | p. 109 |
| Changing How You Talk to Yourself | p. 110 |
| What did You Do Right Today? | p. 111 |
| What are You Telling Yourself? | p. 114 |
| The Difference Between the General and the Specific | p. 116 |
| Evaluate Your Rules | p. 117 |
| A Courageous Act a Day | p. 120 |
| The Uses of Denial | p. 120 |
| Unconvering Your Fears | p. 121 |
| Redefine the Task | p. 123 |
| Take Credit for Each Courageous Act | p. 124 |
| Be Good to Yourself | p. 125 |
| Be Physically Self-Supportive | p. 127 |
| An End to Isolation | p. 131 |
| How Critical of Others are You? | p. 131 |
| Start with the People You Know | p. 134 |
| Meeting New People | p. 135 |
| Choosing Jobs, Classes, Organizations | p. 135 |
| Reaching Out | p. 139 |
| Risking the First Steps | p. 139 |
| Getting to Know People on the Job | p. 140 |
| Getting to Know People in Classes and Organizations | p. 142 |
| Moving from Acquaintances to Friends | p. 144 |
| How Much do You Confide in a New Friend? | p. 146 |
| Getting Help from the Family | p. 147 |
| After You Leave | p. 151 |
| The First Week | p. 153 |
| Staying in a Shelter for Battered Women | p. 153 |
| Staying with Friends or Relatives | p. 155 |
| Staying Alone | p. 156 |
| Groups for Abused Women | p. 158 |
| Contact with the Man Who Battered You | p. 158 |
| Coping with Fear | p. 163 |
| Loneliness | p. 164 |
| Protecting Yourself and the Children | p. 166 |
| Visitation | p. 166 |
| Contact with the Batterer | p. 167 |
| What You Can Do for the Children | p. 170 |
| Children's Reactions to Violence and Separation | p. 172 |
| The Practical Questions of Welfare and Housing | p. 177 |
| Welfare | p. 177 |
| Other Benefits | p. 181 |
| The Housing Search | p. 182 |
| Shared Housing | p. 183 |
| Questions for a Potential Housemate | p. 184 |
| The Economics of Single Life | p. 187 |
| Paid Employment | p. 187 |
| Getting Ahead on the Job | p. 191 |
| How to Budget Your Income and Expenses | p. 192 |
| Working from a Budget | p. 194 |
| Home Maintenance | p. 196 |
| Overcoming Financial Ignorance | p. 198 |
| Sexuality | p. 200 |
| Learning to Trust Your Experience | p. 202 |
| Sexuality Isn't Just Sex | p. 203 |
| Lesbianism | p. 208 |
| The New Romance | p. 211 |
| What Are You Looking for in a Partner? | p. 211 |
| What If You Keep Finding the Same Kind of Man? | p. 213 |
| Giving Up Control | p. 219 |
| Protecting Yourself | p. 220 |
| The Long Haul | p. 225 |
| Learning to Cope with Loneliness | p. 225 |
| You Make Your Own Life | p. 227 |
| What Can You Do Now? | p. 230 |
| The Ones Who Got Away | p. 233 |
| The Ones Who Got Away | p. 235 |
| Life with the Batterer | p. 235 |
| The Unexpected | p. 240 |
| The Good Outweights the Bad | p. 242 |
| Getting Through the Stressful Days | p. 242 |
| Help Comes from Unexpected Sources | p. 244 |
| Advice to Women in Abusive Relationships | p. 245 |
| Hindsight | p. 246 |
| Advice to You if You're Thinking of Going Back | p. 247 |
| Life is Better Now | p. 249 |
| Special Challenges | p. 253 |
| Emotional Abuse | p. 255 |
| Understanding the Chart of Coercion | p. 256 |
| Problems of Identifying Abuse | p. 263 |
| Identifying Emotional Abuse and Using Getting Free to Diminish It | p. 263 |
| Making Changes | p. 273 |
| Teen Abuse | p. 275 |
| How Common is Teenage Battering? | p. 276 |
| How to Tell if You're Abused | p. 277 |
| Who's Responsible for the Violence? | p. 278 |
| What to do if You're Hit | p. 279 |
| Ending the Relationship | p. 280 |
| How to Use Getting Free | p. 281 |
| What Can a Parent Do? | p. 283 |
| Lesbian Abuse | p. 286 |
| The Question of Who is Battering | p. 286 |
| The Nature of Lesbian Battering | p. 288 |
| How to Use Getting Free | p. 290 |
| Emergency Services | p. 291 |
| Ending Isolation | p. 291 |
| Immigrant Women: Challenges and Solutions | p. 294 |
| Advocates for Abused Immigrant Women | p. 294 |
| Assessing Danger | p. 298 |
| Safety Plan for Staying or Leaving | p. 298 |
| To Call the Police or Not | p. 300 |
| When the Police Don't Come: Planning an Emergency Escape | p. 303 |
| Divorce of Separation from Your Partner: Immigration Status | p. 304 |
| People's Ideas and Actions Change | p. 307 |
| Life in the United States | p. 310 |
| Religious Challenges | p. 313 |
| Are You Abused? | p. 313 |
| Politics and Culture: Religious Interpretations | p. 315 |
| Consultations: Religious and Domestic-Violence Authorities | p. 320 |
| Sex Abuse | p. 324 |
| Divorce | p. 325 |
| The Urge to Forgive | p. 326 |
| Communities Protect Victims and Hold Offenders Responsible | p. 327 |
| Stopping the Cycle of Abuse | p. 329 |
| Men Who Batter: Can They Change? | p. 331 |
| Why Does He Do It? | p. 332 |
| Entitlement and Control | p. 334 |
| Is Change Possible? | p. 335 |
| Do Programs Work? | p. 342 |
| How to tell if the Program is Working for Your Partner | p. 343 |
| Nurturing Your Children: Safety and Resilience | p. 348 |
| Safety Whether You Leave or Stay | p. 348 |
| Children's Visits with Their Father | p. 352 |
| How Violence Affects Children | p. 354 |
| Helping Children Who Have Witnessed Violence | p. 357 |
| Moving Forward: What Communities Can Do | p. 362 |
| Danger If You Stay, Danger If You Leave: The Statistics | p. 362 |
| Bad News Gives Birth to a Movement Against Battering | p. 364 |
| Medical Costs | p. 366 |
| Child-Protection Costs | p. 366 |
| Costs to Business | p. 367 |
| Moving Forward | p. 368 |
| Resources | p. 373 |
| Notes | p. 375 |
| Suggested Reading | p. 384 |
| Internet Resources | p. 391 |
| Tips and Wheels | p. 401 |
| Index | p. 413 |
| Table of Contents provided by Rittenhouse. All Rights Reserved. |
