Breaking Negative Thinking Patterns

Preface viii

Credit for Images x

1 Introduction 1

1.1 What Is Schema Therapy? 2

1.2 Understanding the Origin of Your Patterns 4

1.2.1 Recognizing your Modes 5

1.2.2 Changing your Modes 5

Part I: Become Familiar with Your Modes 7

2 Child Modes 9

2.1 Vulnerable Child Modes 12

2.1.1 Get in contact with your own Vulnerable Child Mode 17

2.1.2 Detecting Vulnerable Child Modes in others 20

2.2 Angry and Impulsive Child Modes 20

2.2.1 Get in contact with your own Angry or Impulsive Child Mode 26

2.2.2 Detecting Angry or Impulsive Child Modes in others 28

2.3 Happy Child Mode 32

2.3.1 Get in contact with your own Happy Child Mode 34

2.3.2 Detecting the Happy Child in others 36

2.4 Summary 36

3 Dysfunctional Parent Modes 38

3.1 Demanding Parent Modes 44

3.1.1 How can I detect my own Demanding Parent Mode? 49

3.1.2 How can I detect a Demanding Parent Mode in other people? 49

3.2 Guilt-Inducing Parent Modes 51

3.2.1 How can I detect Guilt-inducing Parent Modes? 55

3.3 Punitive Parent Mode 57

3.3.1 How can I detect a Punitive Parent Mode in myself? 60

3.3.2 How can I detect a Punitive Parent Mode in others? 62

3.4 Summary 63

4 Coping Modes 65

4.1 Compliant Surrender Mode 73

4.1.1 How can I detect a Compliant Surrender Coping Mode in myself? 74

4.1.2 How can I detect a Compliant Surrender Mode in others? 81

4.2 Avoidant Coping Mode 81

4.2.1 How can I detect Avoidant Coping Mode in myself? 84

4.2.2 How can I detect Avoidant Coping Mode in others? 84

4.3 Overcompensatory Coping Mode 88

4.3.1 How can I detect Overcompensatory Coping Mode in myself? 88

4.3.2 How can I detect Overcompensatory Coping Mode in others? 92

4.4 Summary 95

5 Healthy Adult Mode 96

5.1 How can I detect a Healthy Adult Mode in myself? 98

5.2 How can I detect a Healthy Adult Mode in others? 99

5.3 How can I distinguish the Healthy Adult Mode from other modes? 101

5.4 Summary 104

Part II: Change Your Modes 105

6 Healing Vulnerable Child Modes 107

6.1 Get Acquainted with your Vulnerable Child Mode 108

6.2 Taking care of your Vulnerable Child Mode 111

7 Gaining Control over Angry and Impulsive Child Modes 117

7.1 Get Acquainted with your Angry or Impulsive Child Mode 119

7.2 Setting Limits to Angry or Impulsive Child Modes 120

7.2.1 Goals and needs 122

7.2.2 Chair dialogues 123

7.2.3 Learn to direct your behavior 124

7.2.4 How can I learn to control my anger? 126

8 Strengthen the Happy Child Mode 130

8.1 Get Acquainted with your Happy Child Mode 130

8.2 Exercises to Strengthen the Happy Child Mode 133

9 Setting Limits to Dysfunctional Parent Modes 136

9.1 Get in Touch with your Dysfunctional Parent Mode 137

9.2 Silence Dysfunctional Parent Modes 144

9.2.1 Exercises to reduce Dysfunctional Parent Messages 147

10 Changing Coping Modes 150

10.1 Get in Touch with your Coping Modes 151

10.2 Reducing Coping Modes 151

10.2.1 Reducing the Compliant Surrender Mode 157

10.2.2 Reducing avoidance 157

10.2.3 Reducing Overcompensation 160

11 Promoting Your Healthy Adult Mode 165

Glossary 175

References and Further Reading 179

Index 181