Relationship Dynamics

Table of Contents EVOLVE i Acknowledgements iii Introduction ix CHAPTER ONE 1 Reclaiming Personal Responsibility 1 The EVOLVE Audit 4 Becoming a Real Adult 5 Evolutionary Transfiguration 7 CHAPTER TWO 9 Healthy Relationships 9 Why Do We Seek Relationships? 12 Introductions and First Impressions 13 Your Relationship with You 14 Self-Value and Self-Respect 17 Personal Balance 18 Your Interrelationships 19 Position of Influence 23 CHAPTER THREE 26 The Ten Elements of Healthy Relationships 26 Trust 27 Communication 29 Honesty and Integrity 32 Reciprocity 33 Time 35 Compromise 36 Shared Values 38 Shared Interests 39 Respect 40 Support 42 CHAPTER FOUR 44 What is Love? 44 Self-Love 48 Romantic Love 51 Non-Romantic Love 52 Empathy 54 CHAPTER FIVE 59 Intimacy 59 Vulnerability 61 How Do We Develop Intimacy? 63 The Elements of Intimate Conversations 65 What Are Intimate Behaviors? 69 Intimacy in Groups 70 Humor, Jokes, and Banter 71 Intimacy and Conflicts 73 Betrayal of Intimacy 75 Romantic Intimacy 76 Sexual Intimacy 78 CHAPTER SIX 82 Care and Maintenance of Relationships 82 Direct and Indirect Relationships 85 Projection 87 The Importance of Priorities 88 Showing Up 89 Gifts 91 Gratitude 94 Graciousness 96 CHAPTER SEVEN 98 Commitments 98 How Commitments Affect Our Relationships 100 Invitations 102 When Commitments Fail 105 CHAPTER EIGHT 108 Healthy Boundaries 108 Setting Boundaries 113 When Yes Means Yes and No Means No 115 Privacy 118 CHAPTER NINE 123 Drama 123 The Drama Triangle 123 The Healthy Triangle 130 Identifying the Drama 133 Getting Out of the Drama 137 CHAPTER TEN 145 Destructive Behavioral Statements 145 Manipulating Behaviors 149 Dependent Behaviors 153 Making Healthier Relationship Choices 154 Jealousy and Envy 158 Judgmentalism 160 Gossip 166 CHAPTER ELEVEN 169 Understanding Conflicts in Relationships 169 Conflict Resolution 171 What to Avoid in Conflicts 179 Apologies 181 Managing Expectations 184 Negotiation 186 The Standoff Conflict 188 CHAPTER TWELVE 190 When Relationships End 190 The Signs of a Failing Relationship 191 Rejection 194 Alone 197 CONCLUSION 200 Deepening Our Connection 200 Resilient World Communities 204 About the EVOLVE Series 208 About the Author 210 Bibliography 211

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