Tuni's father began sexually abusing her when she was just four years old. Her mother, though aware of the abuse, was a silent witness—one either incapable or unwilling to intervene—and the abuse continued until Tuni was eleven. Three years later, when Tuni was fourteen, she was raped by an adult actor who was part of her cast in a professional theater production. These traumas would go on to shape much of her life.
Underwater Daughter follows how Tuni grappled with her relationship with her parents, the aftermath of her rape, an eating disorder, drug and alcohol excesses, and shame as she came of age and began to build a life. In order to not lose her inner innocence, in order to protect herself, in order to believe in love, she began early on to create imaginary worlds into which she could escape—to use dreams to transport her away from her fears. By early adulthood, she was well practiced at slapping lipstick (pink, frosty, kiss-me, gloss-over, perfect lipstick) over whatever darkness might be bubbling beneath. Hired by a dance company right out of high school, she found success as a dancer in Chicago and New York, but in her personal and emotional life, she continued to struggle. Ultimately, it took her decades of dancing, hiding, faking, fucking, costuming, implanting, dissociating, marrying, divorcing, and purging—all while staying silent about her past trauma—before a bike accident at age fifty-five forced her to stop and truly take stock of her life. As she did, she came to a resting place, finally, in regard to her father; developed the loving relationship she'd always wanted with her mother; and came to understand that, in the end, love is all anyone wants—or needs.
Industry Reviews
2023 Best Book Awards Finalist in Nonfiction: Inspirational
2023 BookFest Awards First Place Winner in Nonfiction: Relationships - Family
2023 BookFest Awards Second Place Winner in Nonfiction: Memoirs - Personal and Memoirs - Transformational
2023 Third Place Winner in Artistic & Technical: Audio Book - Overall Presentation
"Deignan's writing style is courageously confessional and creatively descriptive . . . An elegantly written and harrowing remembrance of the long-lasting impact of childhood trauma."
-Kirkus Reviews
“Written in rich, insightful prose, Underwater Daughter showcases hard-won self knowledge and wisdom, while inviting readers to feel Deignan’s wounds and joys.”
—BookLife Reviews, Editor's Pick
“From these pieces emerge a partial sense of how Deignan learned to reconfigure the impact of her physical and psychic pains to achieve healing and forgiveness. Underwater Daughter is a poetic memoir about transformation and transcendence after abuse.”
—Foreword Clarion Reviews
“In Underwater Daughter, Antonia Deignan delivers a heart-shattering memoir of painful truth and soulful healing. Word by word, her powerful story dances across the page with lyrical rhythm, all while diving deep into the mind warping currents of childhood sexual abuse. Readers follow along as she swims through the many decades of emotional waves before finally learning to untangle herself from the deep. By the end, we all heal alongside her as she resurfaces to claim the light. A must-read for anyone who has ever suffered abuse at the hands of someone they love—or loved someone who has.”
—Julie Cantrell, New York Times and USA Today best-selling author of Perennials
“Underwater Daughter is an unflinchingly brave and nuanced memoir with lyrical prose so inventive, it will take your breath away. Deignan's book is a life-giving siren's song to memory, the body, family, survival, forgiveness, and ultimately, to love.”
—Julie Barton, New York Times best-selling author of Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me from Myself
“Underwater Daughter is pure magic. From her first line to her last, Antonia Deignan takes us on a wild ride, from her perilous childhood through many hardships to the resilient woman she became. Her voice is utterly inventive. Written with stunning originality and passion, this is a book readers will long remember.”
—Linda Schreyer, television/screenwriter and coauthor of Tears and Tequila
“Underwater Daughter is a poem, an anthem, a polished crystal, and one of the most profound books I've ever read. Antonia Deignan writes of family, dysfunction, and forgiveness beyond our human experience, revealing the exquisite beauty of life in all its pain and joy. Her voice is like the wind: fierce, restorative, and new.”
—Debra Landwehr Engle, author of The Only Little Prayer You Need
“Like the author’s dancing, this memoir seems to have some nameless tune in its core. Deignan gently paints a picture of even the most difficult moments in her life. She has decided to live her life lovingly, and by doing so gives us all a path forward.”
—Harriet Ross, cofounder of Dance for Life and retired general manager of the Joffrey Ballet
“In Underwater Daughter, the author bravely faces her humanity and dives into excavating her inner and outer life. Written with a clever hand, the read is intimate, raw, and shares unfiltered vivid memories of abuse, survival, love, trauma, dance, relationships, healing, evolution, and so much more. This memoir is a meaty, meaningful journey that kept me captivated and wanting more.”
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