Sexual Bloopers

CONTENTS

FOREPLAY

CHAPTER 1: THE BIRDS AND THE BEES: TALES FROM PUBERTY AND THE AGE OF INNOCENCE

A Can in the Hand Is Worth Two in the Bush

20/20 Hindsight

A Down-and-Dirty Mother's Day

The Bee-Wildered Little Princess

The Strung-Out Virgin

CHAPTER 2: SEX AFTER SIXTY...'ENSURED': GETTING IT ON OVER THE HILL

Granny and Her 'Goy' Friend

The 'X' in Rx

The Aging Tooth Fairy

Par for the (Inter)Course

Mr. Fix-It

CHAPTER 3: PAGES FROM THE FAMILY ALBUM: THOSE MEMORABLE MOMENTS YOU'D RATHER FORGET

Momma's Boy

Cat's Got Yer Tongue

The Off-Color Coloring Book

Thanksgiving Leftovers

Jingle Balls

CHAPTER 4: PETS WILL BE PETS: THE UNTAMED SIDE OF ANIMAL BEHAVIOR

My Unforgettable Cat-Astrophe

A Little Birdie Told Them

Mutt-Ternal Instincts

A Shocking Tail

Hot Dog!

CHAPTER 5: PARTY OF ONE: WHEN MASTURBATION INVITES DISASTER

Last Will and Testicle

A Long Time Cumming

Mom's X-Rated ZZZs

Coming Clean

The 11th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Squish

CHAPTER 6: SCREWED, BUT GOOD: THE BIG 'WHOOPS' IN A LITTLE WHOOPEE

A Man-'Maid' Disaster

Cabin Fever

Daddy's (Not So Innocent) Little Girl

Conversation Interruptus

Oops and the UPS Man

CHAPTER 7: ONCE UPON A TRYST: WHEN THE STORY ENDS UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER

The Buzz at Garden Gables Inn

My (Not So) Secret Cross-Cuntry Affair

From Here to Emergency

Best (Un)Laid Plans

Falling Head Over Heels

CHAPTER 8: GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN: THE PRICE NICE GIRLS PAY FOR BEING NAUGHTY

Getting Nailed

Too Much of a Good Thing

The Flaming Queen

Finger-Lickin' Good

Armed and Dangerous

CHAPTER 9: PROPS AND FLOPS: SATISFACTION (AND PROBLEMS) GUARANTEED

That Sinking Feeling

Of Human Bondage

Do Not Disturb

Great X-pectations

International Arrivals: United States of Erotica

CHAPTER 10: FLIRTING WITH DISASTER: DANGEROUS LIAISONS AND OTHER NEAR-FATAL ATTRACTIONS

The Wild, Wild West

Class of '65 -- Ass of '95

Shower 'Head' Fiasco

The (Not So) Great Outdoors

Paradise Lost

CLIMAX