Escaping Expectations

In Escaping Expectations, an adventurous psychologist explores the sights and cultures of exotic Borneo, applying a psychological perspective to the expectations of women as she becomes immersed in Muslim, Chinese, and Indigenous tribal cultures.

Along the way, she discovers as much about herself as the people she is with. She shows how to embrace people with differing points of view and view oneself without the judgments that come from others' expectations.

Follow her journey as her initial excitement is dashed by not having any money to buy food nor water. She is rescued by a Chinese real estate agent who introduces her to some of the customs she will observe.

She then becomes immersed in the Muslim culture of the university, where she will be consulting during the next five months. As she adopts the Muslim dress code and expectations for how women are supposed to behave, she questions her need to live up to others' expectations of her.

She travels to various universities throughout Malaysia, where she is deeply immersed in Chinese and indigenous cultures. She encounters lush rainforests and exotic food but is most impressed by how women live in these cultures. She also learns about the destruction of the rainforests and the oppression of various groups within Malaysia.

Because she represents the United States as a goodwill ambassador to faculty and was always taught to try to fit in, she strives to learn from others rather than imposing her expectations. However, her self-image is shattered when she realizes she cannot please everyone.

A dramatic stripping away of her expectations for herself occurs when the male faculty at a fundamentalist Islamic university criticizes her research. In many ways, it feels like a rejection of her. Her self-worth depended on the approval of others. So, she is forced to begin separating her view of herself from others' opinions of her.

During separate visits of her husband and son, she enjoys snorkeling and trekking through a rainforest. Besides renewing her relationship with her husband, she reflects on the evolving nature of her bond with her son as he grows into adulthood.

She takes a side trip alone to Langkawi, an island off the Malaysian mainland, where she feels threatened by the taxi driver, who thinks she might be a spy. The driver looked and talked like a possible Islamic terrorist, and she had been warned about terrorists in Malaysia.

Back at her university in Borneo, her students teach her about Islam's diverse interpretations and practices, as well as the challenges women face in these societies. She begins teaching not just psychological theories and research, but also ways a woman can help others by showing empathy.

One night, she watches the horrors of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on television and is cautioned to leave Borneo immediately. She spends time in Bali, immersing herself in the...