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After the Fight

Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship

By: Daniel B. Wile

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Paperback | 23 December 1995

At a Glance

Paperback
326 Pages

Dimensions(cm)
15.1 x 22.7 x 2.5

Paperback

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What do partners do after a fight? If theyre like most people, they apologize: "Im sorry. I had a bad day and I took it out on you." Or, they wake up the next morning and pretend that nothing happened, hoping their partner will do the same. In neither case do they talk about the fight. Theyre too afraid that doing so will simply rekindle it—and theyre right; it probably would. But since they dont talk about the fight, nothing ever really gets resolved.

Daniel B. Wile, author of Couples Therapy and After the Honeymoon, devotes this entire book to an analysis of a single night in the life of a couple, Marie and Paul. By tapping into their self-talk (their ongoing conversations with themselves), he discovers what starts, escalates, and rekindles fights—and also, what potentially allows for a useful conversation about a fight. Wile reveals the half-thoughts and half-feelings that generally go unnoticed: the anxious flashes; depressive waves; two-second, self-directed diatribes; and two-second mental divorces.

Industry Reviews

"An inspirational book. It is one of the most unique and creative books about couples I have ever read. It captures not only the subtleties of couple interactions, but also the nuances of couples therapy. I plan to assign this book to all of my graduate students, and will open it myself whenever I need to be reminded of how exciting it is to study and treat couples." --Neil S. Jacobson, Ph.D., University of Washington

"Reading After the Fight is the next best thing to being in the room with Daniel Wile, widely renowned as a creative and masterful couples' therapist....Wile shows a remarkable capacity to put words to the vague and amorphous thoughts of the partners as well as the therapist.... He lets us in on his innermost thoughts and quandaries as a therapist and offers a multitude of examples and direct dialogue to make his approach come alive." --Gayla Margolin, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, University of Southern California

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You Can Find This Book In

Non-Fiction Psychology Social Psychology Medicine Other Branches of Medicine Clinical Psychology Psychotherapy Family & Health Relationships & Families: Advice & Issues Dating, Relationships, Living Together & Marriage Sociology & Anthropology Sociology

Sociology & Family & Relationships

Major Points In the Book	p. 1
The Ongoing Conversation We Have with Ourselves	p. 15
Using Our Relationship to Figure Out at We Feel	p. 19
Self-Blame	p. 24
Self-Justification: Fighting Off Self-Blame	p. 28
The Therapist's Platform	p. 35
The Client's Platform	p. 46
The Value of the Platform	p. 61
Blaming: If You Can't Join Them, Beat Them	p. 83
Defensiveness: A Multiplicity of Defensive Responses	p. 89
The Fight	p. 100
Five Levels of Attack	p. 105
What Fighting Is	p. 117
Dealing with Couple Fighting by Helping Partners Make Their Points	p. 127
The Shifting In and Out of an Adversarial State between Client and Therapist	p. 150
Monitoring the Shifting In and Out of an Adversarial State between Client and Therapist	p. 156
First Attempts at a Recovery Conversation	p. 169
The "Admitting-Admitting" Couple State	p. 181
The "Collaborating-Collaborating" Couple State	p. 193
A Recovery Conversation in Its Full Sense	p. 198
Leading-Edge Feelings	p. 213
Life as the Continual Generation of Symptoms	p. 221
Relationships as Solutions That Create New Problems	p. 231
Therapy: Helping Clients Get Across What They Need To	p. 240
The Impossibiiity of Obeying the Rules of Good Communication	p. 249
Primary, Secondary, and Rejected Pictures	p. 267
The Four Ego-Analytic Pictures	p. 279
What Happens to Marie, Paul, and the Skeptic?	p. 305
References	p. 319
Index	p. 321
Table of Contents provided by Blackwell. All Rights Reserved.

After the Fight

Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship

At a Glance

Paperback

Industry Reviews

Shipping

How to return your order

Defective items

You Can Find This Book In

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