| Introduction | p. 1 |
| What Is Transference? | p. 7 |
| How We Defend | p. 9 |
| Getting You to Feel for Me | p. 11 |
| One of Our Habits | p. 12 |
| The Birth of Our Expectations | p. 16 |
| Do We Hope or Despair? | p. 18 |
| How Childhood Continues into Our Adult Relationships | p. 20 |
| What Transference Does and Why | p. 27 |
| The Clues | p. 28 |
| Causes and Choices | p. 30 |
| Noticing What We Are Up To | p. 31 |
| We Have Good Reasons to Transfer | p. 37 |
| Practice: Address, Process, Resolve, and Integrate | p. 42 |
| Ways We Can Be Together | p. 47 |
| The Real You, the Real Me | p. 51 |
| Practice: Presence, Mindfulness, and Loving-kindness | p. 54 |
| Reactions and Reacting | p. 59 |
| Persons, Pets, Places, and Things | p. 59 |
| On the Job Too | p. 62 |
| Practice: In the Workplace | p. 64 |
| The Critic Within | p. 65 |
| Practice: Releasing Ourselves from Our Myths | p. 69 |
| Why Others Get to Us as They Do | p. 72 |
| Practices | |
| Seeing What Gets in the Way | p. 74 |
| Opening | p. 75 |
| F.A.C.E.-ing Ourselves | p. 75 |
| Searching Questions | p. 76 |
| From Trigger to Anchor | p. 77 |
| Handling Others' Reactions to Us | p. 78 |
| Practice: Power in Responding | p. 80 |
| How Our Fears Figure In | p. 83 |
| Four Fearsome Hurdles | p. 84 |
| Comings and Goings | p. 86 |
| Giving and Receiving | p. 88 |
| Being Accepted and Being Rejected | p. 89 |
| Letting Go and Moving On | p. 91 |
| Practice: Scaling the Hurdles with Grace | p. 92 |
| Our Compulsion to Repeat | p. 96 |
| Events Too Huge | p. 99 |
| Something Ancient and Primitive Within Us | p. 101 |
| Why We Are All So Concerned about Abandonment | p. 103 |
| The Impact on Us | p. 105 |
| Hate and Hurt | p. 106 |
| Practice: Staying with Feeling | p. 107 |
| Memories of Mistreatment | p. 109 |
| Ongoing Stress | p. 112 |
| Our Delicate Timing | p. 114 |
| We Don't All Have to Go Back | p. 115 |
| Practices | |
| Honoring Timing and Lifestyle | p. 117 |
| Identifying What Is Missing | p. 118 |
| The Physical Dimension | p. 120 |
| How the Brain Figures In | p. 123 |
| Practice: Alternatives to Freezing Up | p. 126 |
| Our Yearning for Both Comfort and Challenge | p. 129 |
| Practice: How to Grieve and Let Go | p. 134 |
| Grief in the Family | p. 137 |
| Regrets and Disappointments | p. 138 |
| Practice: Handling Regret and Disappointment | p. 140 |
| Mirrors and Ideals | p. 143 |
| Our Search for Mirroring Love | p. 144 |
| Can't Live without You | p. 145 |
| A Bridge Appears | p. 147 |
| Where Our Ideals Came From | p. 148 |
| The Gift of Self | p. 149 |
| How Our Needs Are Transferred | p. 151 |
| Transference Meets Us Everywhere | p. 155 |
| Practices | |
| New Ways of Trusting | p. 156 |
| Whom Do We Trust? | p. 157 |
| Examining Our Ideals | p. 158 |
| Why I Love You But Don't Really See You | p. 160 |
| Sex and Our Erotic Transferences | p. 160 |
| Sex as Addiction | p. 162 |
| Love and In Love | p. 163 |
| Daring an Adult Love | p. 165 |
| Working Out Our Relationship Clashes | p. 169 |
| How Codependency Arises | p. 171 |
| Practices | |
| Committing to Loving-kindness | p. 172 |
| Entering Another's World | p. 173 |
| Noticing Transferences in Our Relationships | p. 175 |
| Practice: Letting Conflicts Help Us | p. 176 |
| Good-Enough Relating | p. 178 |
| The Introvert/Extrovert Dimension in Relating | p. 180 |
| Working Back in Time | p. 182 |
| We Really Can Be Here Now | p. 183 |
| Practice: Pausing to Check In and Settle In | p. 185 |
| From Transference to Transformation | p. 188 |
| Our Psychological Work | p. 188 |
| Practice: A Checklist | p. 190 |
| How Spiritual Practice Renews Us | p. 191 |
| Hidden Help | p. 193 |
| How It All Comes Together | p. 194 |
| Practice: Opening to Spiritual Shifts | p. 195 |
| Transferring beyond the Personal | p. 199 |
| The Archetypes We Live With | p. 200 |
| Acknowledge or Disavow Our Wholeness? | p. 203 |
| The Example of Patriotism | p. 205 |
| Religion and Transference | p. 207 |
| Light and Dark | p. 210 |
| Epilogue: A Jungian View of Our Larger Life | p. 213 |
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