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When The Past Is Present

By: David Richo

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Paperback | 1 December 2008 | Edition Number 1

At a Glance

Paperback
224 Pages

Dimensions(cm)
23 x 15.5 x 1.5

Paperback

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In this book, psychotherapist David Richo explores how we replay the past in our present-day relationships—and how we can free ourselves from this destructive pattern. We all have a tendency to transfer potent feelings, needs, expectations, and beliefs from childhood or from former relationships onto the people in our daily lives, whether they are our intimate partners, friends, or acquaintances.

When the Past Is Present helps us to become more aware of the ways we slip into the past so that we can identify our emotional baggage and take steps to unpack it and put it where it belongs.

Drawing on decades of experience as a psychotherapist, Richo helps readers to:

Understand how the wounds of childhood become exposed in adult relationships—and why this is a gift
Identify and heal the emotional wounds we carry over from the past so that they won't sabotage present-day relationships
Recognize how strong attractions and aversions to people in the present can be signals of own own unfinished business
Use mindfulness to stay in the present moment and cultivate authentic intimacy

About the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth. He is known for drawing on Buddhist thought, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work. He is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

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You Can Find This Book In

Non-Fiction Psychology Psychological Theory, Systems, Schools of Thought & Viewpoints Psychoanalytical Theory & Freudian Psychology Philosophy Self-Help, Personal Development & Practical Advice Popular Psychology Social Psychology Family & Health Relationships & Families: Advice & Issues Dating, Relationships, Living Together & Marriage Fiction

Romance

Introduction	p. 1
What Is Transference?	p. 7
How We Defend	p. 9
Getting You to Feel for Me	p. 11
One of Our Habits	p. 12
The Birth of Our Expectations	p. 16
Do We Hope or Despair?	p. 18
How Childhood Continues into Our Adult Relationships	p. 20
What Transference Does and Why	p. 27
The Clues	p. 28
Causes and Choices	p. 30
Noticing What We Are Up To	p. 31
We Have Good Reasons to Transfer	p. 37
Practice: Address, Process, Resolve, and Integrate	p. 42
Ways We Can Be Together	p. 47
The Real You, the Real Me	p. 51
Practice: Presence, Mindfulness, and Loving-kindness	p. 54
Reactions and Reacting	p. 59
Persons, Pets, Places, and Things	p. 59
On the Job Too	p. 62
Practice: In the Workplace	p. 64
The Critic Within	p. 65
Practice: Releasing Ourselves from Our Myths	p. 69
Why Others Get to Us as They Do	p. 72
Practices
Seeing What Gets in the Way	p. 74
Opening	p. 75
F.A.C.E.-ing Ourselves	p. 75
Searching Questions	p. 76
From Trigger to Anchor	p. 77
Handling Others' Reactions to Us	p. 78
Practice: Power in Responding	p. 80
How Our Fears Figure In	p. 83
Four Fearsome Hurdles	p. 84
Comings and Goings	p. 86
Giving and Receiving	p. 88
Being Accepted and Being Rejected	p. 89
Letting Go and Moving On	p. 91
Practice: Scaling the Hurdles with Grace	p. 92
Our Compulsion to Repeat	p. 96
Events Too Huge	p. 99
Something Ancient and Primitive Within Us	p. 101
Why We Are All So Concerned about Abandonment	p. 103
The Impact on Us	p. 105
Hate and Hurt	p. 106
Practice: Staying with Feeling	p. 107
Memories of Mistreatment	p. 109
Ongoing Stress	p. 112
Our Delicate Timing	p. 114
We Don't All Have to Go Back	p. 115
Practices
Honoring Timing and Lifestyle	p. 117
Identifying What Is Missing	p. 118
The Physical Dimension	p. 120
How the Brain Figures In	p. 123
Practice: Alternatives to Freezing Up	p. 126
Our Yearning for Both Comfort and Challenge	p. 129
Practice: How to Grieve and Let Go	p. 134
Grief in the Family	p. 137
Regrets and Disappointments	p. 138
Practice: Handling Regret and Disappointment	p. 140
Mirrors and Ideals	p. 143
Our Search for Mirroring Love	p. 144
Can't Live without You	p. 145
A Bridge Appears	p. 147
Where Our Ideals Came From	p. 148
The Gift of Self	p. 149
How Our Needs Are Transferred	p. 151
Transference Meets Us Everywhere	p. 155
Practices
New Ways of Trusting	p. 156
Whom Do We Trust?	p. 157
Examining Our Ideals	p. 158
Why I Love You But Don't Really See You	p. 160
Sex and Our Erotic Transferences	p. 160
Sex as Addiction	p. 162
Love and In Love	p. 163
Daring an Adult Love	p. 165
Working Out Our Relationship Clashes	p. 169
How Codependency Arises	p. 171
Practices
Committing to Loving-kindness	p. 172
Entering Another's World	p. 173
Noticing Transferences in Our Relationships	p. 175
Practice: Letting Conflicts Help Us	p. 176
Good-Enough Relating	p. 178
The Introvert/Extrovert Dimension in Relating	p. 180
Working Back in Time	p. 182
We Really Can Be Here Now	p. 183
Practice: Pausing to Check In and Settle In	p. 185
From Transference to Transformation	p. 188
Our Psychological Work	p. 188
Practice: A Checklist	p. 190
How Spiritual Practice Renews Us	p. 191
Hidden Help	p. 193
How It All Comes Together	p. 194
Practice: Opening to Spiritual Shifts	p. 195
Transferring beyond the Personal	p. 199
The Archetypes We Live With	p. 200
Acknowledge or Disavow Our Wholeness?	p. 203
The Example of Patriotism	p. 205
Religion and Transference	p. 207
Light and Dark	p. 210
Epilogue: A Jungian View of Our Larger Life	p. 213
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

When The Past Is Present

At a Glance

Paperback

Shipping

How to return your order

Defective items

You Can Find This Book In

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