The Producer's Guide to Avoiding Human Contact

The Producer's Guide to Avoiding Human Contact is a satirical survival manual for anyone who's ever wanted to disappear mid-meeting, dodge a coffee invite, or ghost a brainstorming session without losing their job or their dignity. Packed with dry humor, printable scripts, and ethically questionable rituals, this modular guide walks you through the art of strategic absence - from designing a workspace that repels visitors to crafting fake podcast interviews that satisfy social obligations.

Inside, you'll find:

• Door hangers that say "I'm in deep creative flow" (and mean it)
• Email templates for missing things on purpose
• Fashion tips for blending into walls at networking events
• Quizzes to determine if you're ready to go full hermit
• Guest essays from producers who haven't spoken since 2014
• Ambient noise hacks to simulate busyness while doing absolutely nothing

Disclaimer: This book is a joke. It's not professional advice. It's a love letter to introverts, creatives, and anyone who's ever faked a calendar event just to finish a sentence in peace.

Perfect for readers who enjoy productivity with a side of mischief, The Producer's Guide to Avoiding Human Contact is your permission slip to protect your focus, reclaim your time, and disappear with style.