Orion Aurelius Stellaris has finally accomplished the impossible: he traded the infinite, indestructible majesty of the cosmos for a permanent human body, a fourteen-pocket safari vest, and a quiet life in the Northern California redwoods. Unfortunately, "quiet" is a highly subjective term when your former-star boyfriend's attempts to bake artisanal sourdough accidentally fold the kitchen into a four-dimensional spatial anomaly. As Orion eagerly navigates the terrifying vulnerabilities of terrestrial digestion, property taxes, and manual labor, his residual cosmic energy is causing the local ecosystem to completely malfunction. From localized gravity slumps on the front porch to sentient plumbing demanding collective bargaining rights, terrestrial domesticity is proving far more hazardous than the vacuum of space.
Wildlife rehabilitator Wren Sterling just wanted a peaceful autumn healing injured badgers and avoiding the municipal zoning board. Instead, she's managing a sanctuary where the fundamental laws of physics are treated as mild, easily ignorable suggestions. Keeping her star-turned-mortal out of trouble is a full-time job, especially when a juvenile raccoon discovers how to exploit quantum mechanics to steal premium snacks from parallel timelines. But amidst the flying geometric cheese, aggressive temporal strobe lights, and interdimensional bureaucracy, Wren is discovering that anchoring a cosmic disaster is the most beautifully grounding experience of her life—if they can survive the town's annual talent show.
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Quantum Carbohydrates: Witness the sheer, terrifying power of baked goods that exist in three time zones simultaneously.
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Arboreal Organized Crime: Watch a juvenile raccoon named Bartholomew establish a thriving, heavily armed mafia syndicate enforced by highly tactical blue jays.
Cosmic Bureaucracy: Discover what happens when an infinite, localized black hole of administrative paperwork is weaponized against the county tax assessor.
Metaphysical Romance: A heartwarming, chaotic love story about finding your absolute gravity in a universe that refuses to sit still.
Grab your heavy-duty Kevlar handling gloves and prepare for a localized collapse of space-time. Pick up your copy of The Celestial Supernova: The Quantum Leak today and discover why true love defies all known laws of thermodynamics!
