System Failure is a raw, unflinching memoir of living with bipolar II disorder intertwined with generalized anxiety, written by Bradley Saurou—an engineer whose logical mind once built unbreakable networks but couldn't outrun the chaos inside.
For seven years, Bradley wandered through misdiagnoses, ineffective therapies, and a hidden struggle: the quiet terror of panic attacks, the electric highs of hypomania mistaken for productivity, the crushing lows that left him bed-bound. Cannabis, once a harmless escape, accelerated the descent. Coming out as gay in a conservative, faith-rooted family added layers of unspoken tension. Phobias (insects haunting his nights), libido crushed by meds, imposter syndrome at work, and a social battery always on red—these weren't side notes; they were the daily grind.
Relapses came in waves: hospital day programs in Paris, weight gain from chaos phases, finances draining to nothing. Yet each fall taught something—tools that worked (CBT for racing thoughts, EMDR for buried shame), routines that anchored (even when they broke), and the fragile truth that hope isn't a cure—it's renewable.
This isn't a triumph-over-illness story with a neat bow. It's honest: bipolar doesn't retire, anxiety doesn't vanish, but survival compounds. Through lists of signs ignored, techniques that extinguished crises, and 20 reasons to keep going after a hundred falls, Bradley shares what helped him claw back from the edge—without promising miracles.
If you've ever felt trapped in cycles, wondered if "normal" is possible, or simply needed to know you're not alone—this is for you. Whether you're in the depths, climbing out, or supporting someone who is, System Failure offers quiet permission to be imperfect and keep moving.
A testament to resilience forged in the dark. One breath, one day, one relapse at a time.
