When her alcoholic and emotionally abusive mother's health declines, Joan Rough invites her to move in with her. Rough longs to be the "good daughter," helping her narcissistic mother face the reality of her coming death. But when repressed memories of childhood abuse by her mother arise, Rough is filled with deep resentment and hatred toward the woman who birthed her, and her dream of mending their tattered relationship shatters. Seven years later, when her mother dies, she is left with a plastic bag of her mother's ashes and a diagnosis of PTSD. What will she do with them?
Courageous and unflinchingly honest, Scattering Ashes is a powerful chronicle of letting go of a loved one, a painful past, and fear-a journey that will bring hope to others who grapple with the pain and repercussions of abuse.
Industry Reviews
"Bravely honest. This is a moving narrative, and one that will ultimately serve a useful guide for families and their caretakers."
—Publishers Weekly
"Rough's memoir details her experience as her mother's primary caretaker after a cancer diagnosis, with the years leading up to her mother's death, as well as her struggle to come to terms with her passing afterward. Readers get a first-person look at how to embrace difficult people, as well as a meditation on forgiveness."
—Library Journal
"In this well-wrought memoir, Joan Rough shows us the beauty of becoming the alchemist of one's own life. What happens after she invites her elderly, narcissistic mother to move in to her home will often set your teeth on edge. The amazing ending, however, will leave you standing in awe at the power of love."
—Shirley Hershey Showalter, author of Blush: A Mennonite Girl Meets a Glittering World
"A brave story, beautifully written in an authentic, raw voice, that strikes a universal chord about mother-daughter relationships, breaking the cycle of childhood abuse, taking responsibility for one's own healing, and finding forgiveness."
—Kathleen Pooler, author of Ever Faithful To His Lead: My Journey Away From Emotional Abuse
"At last, a mother-daughter memoir that chronicles a conflict-laden relationship without resorting to blame, victimization, or humor laced with sarcasm and cynicism. Joan Rough paints a vivid, in-depth portrait that captures anger, guilt, fear, denial, forgiveness, love, and healing-all the pieces of life itself!"
—Kevin Quirk, mauthor of Your Life Is a Book-And It's Time to Write It! and Brace for Impact: Miracle on the Hudson
"Scattering Ashes is a heartrending account of a complicated mother-daughter relationship, wrought with intergenerational patterns of conflict. Raw in its immediacy and honesty, Rough's story testifies to the resiliency of the human spirit and how in the long and complex process of forgiveness, we must go through all of the stages of grief before we reach the final stage of acceptance. This story gives hope to those who could not reconcile with their mothers when they were still alive."
—Saloma Furlong, author of Why I Left the Amish: A Memoir and Bonnet Strings: An Amish Woman's Ties to two Worlds
