The Second Coming

'GOD'S COMING u LOOK BUSY!' God really is coming, and he is going to be pissed... Having left his son in charge God treats himself to a week off at the beginning of the seventeenth century. He returns to find out that things on earth haven't gone quite to plan... A word about celestial time. Eternity isn't really eternal. It's just very slow. A day in heaven is the equivalent of 57 earth years. When He took His week off it was 1609, the height of the Renaissance u King Lear was being performed on the London stage and Galileo was squinting through his prototype telescope. A good time to go fishing. When He returns it is 2009. It has not been an uneventful 400 years, thinks God, as asks 'Where is the little bastard?' The 'little bastard' is trading guitar riffs with his new best friend Jimi. Well, he'd had a pretty rough ride down here and figured he was entitled to a little Randamp;R. In celestial time, he's only been back a few weeks. After God has ripped Jesus a new asshole he calls a meeting of the Saints: the earth has become a human toilet. Genocide; starvation; people obsessed with vacuous celebrity culture 'and,' God points out, 'there are fucking Christians everywhere.' God hates Christians. What's to be done? Peter argues for flushing the whole thing down the toilet and starting again. God points out the time and effort He put into his creation. ('Have you any idea what it was like to sit through the Bronze Age? The main form of entertainment WAS BRONZE!'). In the end there is only one solution. They're sending the kid back. Cut to New York City, where JC is a struggling musician and petty criminal trying to help people as best as he can and gathering disciples along the way: a motley collection of basket cases, stoners and alcoholics. He finally realises his best chance to win hearts and minds may lie in a TV talent contest u American Pop Star! It's the number one show in America, the unholy creation of an English record executive called Steven Stelfox...