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Making Nice with Naughty : An Intimacy Guide for the Rule-Following, Organized, Perfectionist, Practical, and Color-Within-The-Line Types - Thomas L. Murray

Making Nice with Naughty

An Intimacy Guide for the Rule-Following, Organized, Perfectionist, Practical, and Color-Within-The-Line Types

By: Thomas L. Murray

Paperback | 15 August 2022

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Have too much self-control?


Society tells you self-control is great; it's a virtue. Yet, your success in managing emotions, getting the job done, getting accolades for being detail-oriented, planful, driven, etc. haven't led to success in your intimate relationships and in the bedroom.

You've been told how being naughty gets you into trouble and that you should live by the rules to be successful. So, you developed self-control. Too much self-control, however, wreaks havoc in areas where vulnerability is essential: intimate relationships and sex life.

Can you have too much self-control? You bet!


The Overcontrolled Temperament

Too much self-control, also known as the Overcontrolled Temperament, is characterized by the following core traits:


  • Not being open to new, strange, and unexpected experiences; tendency to avoid uncertainty; being risk-averse; threat sensitivity and hypervigilance.
  • Compulsive need for structure and order; hyperperfectionism; rigid rule-governed behavior; high moral certitude; the strong belief in what "should be, must be, has to be."
  • Flat or neutral face; not easily excited; avoiding vulnerability; saying "fine" when things aren't fine; pride in having a "stable mood."
  • Feeling alone and that nobody quite gets you or understands you; comparing yourself to others; feeling envious and bitter.


Discover How the above Core Traits can Ruin your Sex Life and Find Powerful Solutions.

Commons Sexual Problems of Overcontrolled People: Are you experiencing low sexual desire, emotional distance from your partner, sexual performance anxiety, sexual perfectionism, anorgasmia, sexual dysfunction, or sexual pain disorders? Then you owe it to yourself to read Making Nice with Naughty.

Why? Because you're not alone. Millions, just like you, struggle with relaxing and being playful during sex. Naughty has gotten a bad rap and represents so much of what you've come to avoid: mystery, unpredictability, unfamiliarity, and uncertainty. Yet, these features are essential to acquiring a meaningful and fulfilling sex life.


Get Sage Advice From a Leading Sexologist. It's time to make nice with naughty! Integrating several innovative and effective psychotherapies, Dr. Thomas L. Murray, Jr. takes you on an eye-opening journey, using humor and directness, to help you get what you want: a more fulfilling sex life. Here's why you'll love this guide:

  • Discover how too much self-control underlies many sexual and relationship problems
  • Reconnect with your partner using the power of vulnerability
  • Experience freedom from old patterns of thinking
  • Change your relationship with anxiety and embrace uncertainty
  • Reduce negative self-talk
  • Develop psychological flexibility
  • Apply new and powerful mindfulness techniques
  • Transition from performance-based to pleasure-based sex


Are you ready?


Scroll up, click buy, and get started now!

Industry Reviews

"If you have been looking for a book that helps you and your partner understand how to let go of sexual perfectionism and start enjoying your sex life, Making Nice with Naughty is for you.  In a kind but straightforward style, Dr. Tom Murray helps you identify why being in control and having great sex don't make good bedfellows.  Then you'll discover how to turn off that internal critical voice and express and receive the intimacy you really want."

Dr. Stephanie Buehler

Author, What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex, 3rd Ed.


"Dr. Murray reminds us why we often say that "the brain is the biggest sex organ." Making Nice with Naughty is a timely discussion on the connection between personality and sexuality. This book offers realistic examples of how our memories, thoughts, and the mind-body connection can impact our sex lives and relationships. This book can help enlighten anyone seeking answers to a possible void or challenge in their sex lives. If you are curious about yourself or others, this book provides valuable insights."

Tanya M. Bass, Ph.D., CHES®, CSE

The Southern Sexologist â¢


"If you or someone you know can't put aside life's demands long enough to enjoy the simple pleasures of sex, then Making Nice with Naughty is the book for you. Through his personal, relatable, and thought -provoking writing style, Dr. Murray guides readers on how to tame the greatest obstacle to sexual enjoyment, themselves."

Samuel Sanabria, Ph.D., AASECT Certified Sex Therapist

Professor in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, Rollins College


"If your Over-Controlling Inner Assholes are ruining your intimate relationships, Making Nice with Naughty is your roadmap for letting go, enjoying the ride, and reconnecting to yourself and your partner(s)." 

Lynn Dutrow, LCPC

Author, ALIGNED As F*ck: Transforming Your Inner Assholes (like Anxiety) into Allies


"A skillful blend of therapeutic knowledge, assertiveness, and compassion, Dr. Murray succinctly offers clear explanations palatable for the general public as well as for professionals. His clinical approach to working with individuals and relationships comes through beautifully as if he's sitting right across from you."

      Dr. Reece Malone - Sex Therapist & Sexuality Educator

      Co-editor of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy


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