Cher-ish-ment, n. F.
cher, dear. Sweet, indulgent love, esp. of children. Emotional equivalent of nourishment; soul food. What the world needs now.
Elisabeth Young-Bruehl and Faith Bethelard give a name to the kind, warm, tender, and affectionate love that babies expect before they can speak of it and that we all desire our whole lives long. As adults, they note, we all desire our whole lives long. As adults, they note, we don't often acknowledge or even understand our need for this "cherishment." Their book is a rare effort to explore that need, to create a "psychology of the heart."
In Cherishment, Young-Bruehl and Bethelard provide a wholly original way of thinking about familiar concepts such as love, attachment, and care, showing how deep-seated disappointments and fears of dependency keep so many of us from forming healthy relationships. Questioning the traditional, celebratory view of independence and self-reliance, they argue that cherishment is the emotional foundation, formed in childhood, that sustains all kinds of growth-promoting adult bonds.
Blending the philosophical writing that has won Young-Bruehl international acclaim with Bethelard's imaginative sensibility, Cherishment is a finely balanced interplay of scholarship, dual-memoir, and intimate therapeutic tales. It draws on ancient wisdom traditions of the East and West, telling many instructive stories of men and women, young and old, who have learned to cultivate the cherishment instinct in themselves as well as in others. It helps readers attune sensitively to the ways people express their need for affection in the details of daily life and relationships. The book narrates a journey of discovery, and any reader on his or her own journey in the realm of the heart will feel cherished by it.
Industry Reviews
Irvin D. Yalom author of "Love's Executioner" and "Momma and the Meaning of Life Cherishment" is a lucid, deliciously sensitive book which begins with a mystery -- a missing word in the English language -- and concludes with important implications for human development and the practice of psychotherapy
Juliet Mitchell author of "Psychoanalysis" and "Feminism" Freud considered "the need to be loved" an original instinctual impulse, but his idea has not been seriously developed. Now, Young-Bruehl and Bethelard bring East to bear on West as they explore this neglected need. "Cherishment" is a concept and a word that will, I think, make a permanent mark on psychoanalytic theory and therapy. An important and moving contribution.
Kyle D. Pruett author of "Fatherneed" Once in a while, a new word is pulled into our language by the vital need to say something meaningful about the way we treat each other. In "Cherishment, " two brave, clever, compassionate friends narrate the birth and discovery of such a new word, weaving a unique East/West tapestry that helps us redefine intimacy. It's rare story, not to be missed.
Nancy Chodorow author of "The Reproduction of Mothering" and "The Power of Feelings" Elisabeth Young-Bruehl and Faith Bethelard make a real contribution by developing a multifaceted account of the wish to be cherished and the caring behavior and feelings that express what they call "cherishment." Their book rewards readers with many compelling vignettes showing how being cherished fosters development and therapeutic change.
Takeo Doi author of "The Anatomy of Dependence" What a surprise to find myself as a character in this very enjoyable book -- a spiritual dialogue. The picture of "amae" -- of the expectation to be loved -- that appears in the authors' conversation is perfect.
