THE MARIANATED NOTTINGHAM AND OTHER ABUSES OF THE LANGUAGE

O'Connor's Last Quest (because every aging knight should have one)

Macrohard #1 (because the arch-rival and nemesis of that other software company has to advertise)

Not So Much a Calling (because, well, just because)

Macrohard #2 (because they need to advertise a lot)

Toothpaste (because we all hate the same old, same old)

Dead Man Malone (because Halloweeny tales should not be limited to Halloween)

The Marianated Nottingham (because it's about time someone told the truth about Robin Hood. I mean, think about it. Here's this poor sheriff trying to start the world's first national park to protect the declining deer population, and redneck Robin Hood hunts. And don't even get me started on Richard. First he's in France killing his father to take the throne, then he's gallivanting off on crusades, then getting kidnapped by Germans, then back to France again. No wonder the English thought he was a good king. He was never around.) (Hey, I warned you not to get me started.) (And by the way, this one is long-a full-length screenplay.)

The Wicked Witch of the Yeast (because I really, really want to annoy you)

Macrohard #8 (because-hey, seen a pattern yet? is there one?)

Cupid's Revenge (because, well, you'll figure it out)

Macrohard #3 (because you have read H. P. Lovecraft, haven't you?)

Burial (because it's always good to save a little money, right?)

Sentient Choice (because the true story of how robots achieved legal sentient [human] status must be told)

Macrohard #7 (because, seriously, you think I'm paying any attention to the sequence?)

The Demise of Socks (because secrets of the universe leak out now and then)

Macrohard #5 (because every wizened hag deserves happiness)

The Pirate Ballerina (because when someone said "she's a private ballerina," I misheard)

Runaway (because we all know parents never make mistakes) (er . . .)

Macrohard #6 (because reality needs a little help)

Doing Duty (because somebody had to try it)

Macrohard #9 (because, as you may have figured out, I can't count in a straight line)

Once a Bitch (because when they say "write what you know," I rebel)

Returning Goods (because truth-in-advertising laws should be strictly enforced)

Macrohard #4 (because you can't make me stop! neener, neener)

O'Connor's Third Quest, Not Counting the Two He Didn't Finish (because "The Mad Orthodontist From Hell" was too short a title)