High Maintenance Women

A modern-day women’s manifesto: a look at how love, romance, and the digital domain police women's behaviours.

Be the cool girl and get the guy.
Otherwise you're ... Too fat or too thin; too clever or too stupid; too free or too restricted.
You need to be .... Pretty but relatable, not difficult, not demanding - yes, virtually invisible. Play down your attributes, your wants, your needs and most definitely, don't be high maintenance!

The term “high-maintenance” is part of everyday speech, and usually refers to a woman who places a high value on her personal image, wants or needs. Often uttered within the context of dating, the implication is the woman in question is too much hard work. Rarely, if ever, do we come across the term “high-maintenance man”.

On a daily basis women are deliberately portraying themselves as “low-maintenance”, “chill” and “cool”. Hidden behind these seemingly insignificant, even innocuous words, is something far more sinister. They tend to describe the multitude of ways women reign themselves in to appease men.

The “high-maintenance” woman is too much to handle – confirming known stereotypes that women are expected to be quiet, subservient, opinion-less, and always amenable. That they shouldn’t be difficult. This rhetoric is dangerous. It teaches women around the world, and distressingly, the next generation that they need to play into a male stereotype of what a woman should be – and that’s smaller, and less than.

This is a call to arms to women. To take up as much space as you like. To be as clever, as madeup, as dull, as vibrant, as curious, or as difficult as you choose.To live wildly. To occupy and embrace different spaces.

This is your moment to be, yes, high maintenance. Embrace it

About the Author

Lisa Portolan is an author and researcher from Sydney. Her PhD relates to digital intimacies, in particular dating apps and modern romance. She has three books published, including best-selling, Happy As, and cult queer-lit hit, The Overthinkers. She writes regularly for The Conversation , in relation to love, intimacy and dating, and is featured on day-time television and radio. Her work through Western Sydney University focuses on the concept of high-maintenance women, the notion of the Aussie Bloke, and other narratives, and cultural and social idioms invoked in modern dating and romance. She is also the host of the Slow Love podcast series (top ten in 2020).