A cat hits a spaceship viewport. In hard vacuum. Completely calm. Mouthing: "You missed the turnoff."
It gets worse from there.
Cargo hauler Jarik Venn just wanted to deliver freeze-dried rations and avoid toll stations. Instead, he rescued a reality-warping cat from the vacuum of space, became wanted in nine sectors, and accidentally destroyed a government starship with a weaponized hairball.
The cat's name is Brentley. He's a pathological liar, an escaped familiar, and possibly the most wanted being in three sectors. He's also Jarik's new passenger. Whether Jarik likes it or not.
Now they're being hunted by the Familiar Reclamation Bureau of Licensing—a cosmic agency dedicated to tracking down rogue magical entities and drowning them in paperwork. Their lead agent? Inspector Greeb, a corgi in a tiny vest who quotes regulations like scripture and has a personal vendetta against one particular orange tabby.
Between zero-G slapstick, bureaucratic absurdity, and one catastrophically glowing hairball, Jarik discovers that the universe's rules are more like suggestions. Reality bends around Brentley. Lies occasionally come true. And the Bureau has seventeen different forms for "harboring a fugitive familiar."
When Brentley's past catches up to them in the form of a Leviathan-class enforcement frigate, Jarik faces a choice: spend the rest of his life filing paperwork in triplicate, or embrace the chaos and become the galaxy's most wanted transportation provider.
The cat already filed the paperwork. Mentally. Jarik's complicit.
NINE LIVES, ZERO PAPERWORK is the first book in the Nine Lives, Infinite Lies series—a comedic science fiction adventure featuring:
- A cat who survives vacuum and lies with impunity
- Space bureaucrats more dangerous than pirates
- A corgi inspector with a badge and a martyr complex
- Zero-G slapstick involving haunted mayonnaise
- One very unfortunate cargo hauler who just wanted a quiet life
- Paperwork. So much paperwork.
Cosmic comedy where bureaucracy meets chaos.
