Lucia Osborne-Crowley is a writer and journalist. Her news reporting and literary work has appeared in Granta, GQ, The Sunday Times, HuffPost UK, the Guardian, ABC News, Meanjin, The Lifted Brow and others. She currently works as a staff reporter for Law360. Her first book, I Choose Elena, was published in 2019 and has since been published in four territories and three languages. Her second book, My Body Keeps Your Secrets, is out now.
Today, Lucia Osborne-Crowley is on the blog to answer a few of our questions about her new book. Read on …
Lucia Osborne-Crowley (Photo by Sarah Hickson).
Please tell us about your book, My Body Keeps Your Secrets.
LOC: This book is a combination of journalism and memoir which explores the impact of trauma and shame, particularly as a result of sexual violence, on the body. I use my own story and the story of women and gender-fluid people around the world to look closely at all the things we have been taught to feel ashamed of. Through these stories, I hope to show that the best way to overcome trauma and shame is through empathy, and listening and telling stories is at the heart of strengthening empathy and connection.
Why did you want to write this book?
LOC: I wrote this book as a follow-up to my first book, I Choose Elena, which was a memoir about my own sexual assault and recovery. When I disclosed my rape after ten years of silence, I realised that holding that secret inside me had been profoundly damaging to my body and mind. I had developed chronic pain and two chronic illnesses. When I finally started getting treatment for my trauma, I realised that these were connected to this secret I had kept for so long. I learned so much about the impact of trauma on the body while writing that book, and for this book I wanted to expand that knowledge and see how it played out in other peoples’ lives. I wanted to test the theory, using hundreds of hours of interviews, that the body keeps the score.
What kind of power did you discover in writing as a way of reclaiming yourself and your story?
LOC: I felt a huge amount of agency and power in using writing as a way to take control of my story. One of the defining features of trauma is that it defies narrative – traumatic memories get stored in the brain as flashes and fragments rather than as linear experiences. That makes writing about trauma particularly difficult – you are trying to tame traumatic memories using the very quality that they do not possess. That means two things: First, that writing about trauma is incredibly difficult. Second, that it is incredibly rewarding once you do find a way to tell your story.
Why do you think so many people don’t understand the reality of the experience of trauma?
LOC: I think our society continues to present a profoundly flattened version of trauma in our everyday narratives, and so our understanding of trauma is incomplete. So often when we talk about trauma, it is in the context of war veterans or one-off events such as car crashes. These experiences are also, statistically, more likely to be male experiences. That means we have excluded from our understanding of trauma a whole host of experiences that usually affect women and those outside the gender binary. Sexual abuse, for example, may be something that goes on for months or years – meaning it falls outside our incorrect notion that trauma is a one-off, dangerous event. As a result, we also misunderstand the symptoms of trauma. We so often only think of war-related symptoms, such as flashbacks and nightmares. These are usually present in those who suffer from PTSD caused by different kinds of events, but they will be experiences alongside symptoms like shame, fear of abandonment, social anxiety and dissociation. I feel sad when I think about how often we misunderstand the symptoms of trauma because it means that people are so often suffering from PTSD without realising it, and therefore without getting the right kind of help.
‘One of the defining features of trauma is that it defies narrative – traumatic memories get stored in the brain as flashes and fragments rather than as linear experiences. That makes writing about trauma particularly difficult.’
When did you realise that you wanted this book to be about the stories of other people in addition to your own?
LOC: Almost as soon as I finished I Choose Elena, I knew I wanted to write something that was more universal. In my day job I am a journalist, which means I am always focusing on the stories of others and how they help us understand broader societal patterns and structures. So I wanted to take that same approach to trauma and shame and see if that could help change the way we think.
Was there anything that surprised you when you started listening to other people’s stories? Did the process reveal anything new about your own experiences?
LOC: I was so surprised by how much similarity there was between the stories. Not necessarily in terms of what happened to them, but in terms of how they felt. I found myself hearing the same things over and over again in terms of feeling worthless, afraid, and out of control.
What is the last book you read and loved?
LOC: I recently read Small Pleasures by Clare Chambers and absolutely loved it. It’s the story of a journalist who gets lost in a story, forming relationships with her sources and becoming confused about the ethics of this situation. It’s beautifully told and so compelling.
What do you hope readers will discover in My Body Keeps Your Secrets?
LOC: More than anything, I hope that readers will feel they can open up about the things they are ashamed of in the knowledge that there are people out there who will listen and understand.
And finally, what’s up next for you?
LOC: I am currently working on book three, which will be out in 2023. But that’s all I can say at this point! I wish I could say more. Hopefully soon!
Thanks Lucia!
—My Body Keeps Your Secrets by Lucia Osborne-Crowley (Allen & Unwin) is out now.
If you need help with any of the issues raised in this Q&A, call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) any time for confidential information, counselling and support in cases of sexual assault, domestic violence or abuse. Visit the website to chat online and find services in your area.
For 24/7 support, call Sexual Assault Counselling Australia on 1800 211 028.
Lucia
My Body Keeps Your Secrets
Lucia Osborne-Crowley didn't tell a soul when she was raped aged fifteen. At twenty-five, Lucia for the first time told the truth about her rape. This disclosure triggered an endless series of appointments with doctors, trauma specialists and therapists. Meanwhile, Lucia threw herself into researching the shadowy intricacies of abuse, trauma and shame.
In My Body Keeps Your Secrets, Lucia shares the voices of women and trans and non-binary people around the world, as well as her own deeply moving testimony...
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