"Birthdays may be difficult for me."
"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."
"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."
"I am afraid you will abandon me."
The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.
With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.
Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.
|Adoption Through the Eyes of a Child||p. 1|
|Hidden Losses||p. 3|
|Entering Your Child's World||p. 13|
|Twenty Things Your Adopted Child Wants You to Know||p. 23|
|"I Suffered a Profound Loss Before I Was Adopted. You Are Not Responsible."||p. 25|
|"I Need to Be Taught That I Have Special Needs Arising From Adoption Loss, of Which I Need Not Be Ashamed."||p. 33|
|"If I Don't Grieve My Loss, My Ability to Receive Love From You and Others Will Be Hindered."||p. 43|
|"My Unresolved Grief May Surface in Anger Toward You."||p. 60|
|"I Need Your Help in Grieving My Loss. Teach Me How to Get in Touch With My Feelings About My Adoption and Then Validate Them."||p. 73|
|"Just Because I Don't Talk About My Birth Family Doesn't Mean I Don't Think About Them."||p. 85|
|"I Want You to Take the Initiative in Opening Conversations About My Birth Family."||p. 96|
|"I Need to Know the Truth About My Conception, Birth, and Family History, No Matter How Painful the Details May Be."||p. 107|
|"I Am Afraid I Was 'Given Away' by My Birth Mother Because I Was a Bad Baby. I Need You to Help Me Dump My Toxic Shame."||p. 116|
|"I Am Afraid You Will Abandon Me."||p. 124|
|"I May Appear More 'Whole' Than I Actually Am. I Need Your Help to Uncover the Parts of Myself That I Keep Hidden So I Can Integrate All the Elements of My Identity."||p. 131|
|"I Need to Gain a Sense of Personal Power."||p. 138|
|"Please Don't Say I Look or Act Just Like You. I Need You to Acknowledge and Celebrate Our Differences."||p. 144|
|"Let Me Be My Own Person . . . But Don't Let Me Cut Myself Off From You."||p. 155|
|"Please Respect My Privacy Regarding My Adoption. Don't Tell Other People Without My Consent."||p. 162|
|"Birthdays May Be Difficult for Me."||p. 169|
|"Not Knowing My Full Medical History Can Be Distressing at Times."||p. 179|
|"I Am Afraid I Will Be Too Much for You to Handle."||p. 186|
|"When I Act Out My Fears in Obnoxious Ways, Please Hang in There With Me, and Respond Wisely."||p. 193|
|"Even If I Decide to Search for My Birth Family, I Will Always Want You to Be My Parents."||p. 200|
|Support Groups||p. 215|
|Recommended Reading||p. 216|
|Audio and Video Tapes||p. 218|
|Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved.|
Number Of Pages: 222
Published: 1st November 1999
Publisher: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group Inc
Country of Publication: US
Dimensions (cm): 20.2 x 13.5 x 1.6
Weight (kg): 0.21
Edition Number: 1