The State Of Affairs

Rethinking Infidelity

By: Esther Perel

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Paperback | 12 May 2026 | Edition Number 1

At a Glance

Paperback
304 Pages

Dimensions(cm)
19.5 x 12.5 x 2.5

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Psychotherapist and TED talk speaker challenges us to understand infidelity, and how couples can survive it: a must-read for anyone who has ever loved.

New York Times Bestseller

Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Why do people cheat? Can an affair ever help a marriage?

Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic; because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected - an expression of longing and loss. A must-read for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.

About the Author

Psychotherapist Esther Perel is recognised as one of the most insightful and original voices on modern love. She has changed the conversation on what it means to be in love and have a fulfilling sex life.. For the past ten years, she has worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she argues, but healing is possible. She coaches, consults and speaks regularly on erotic intelligence, trauma, sexual honesty and conflict resolution. She is the bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and her TED Talk has reached 6.5 million views online.

Industry Reviews

'Perel's beautiful new book asks us to pause and examine our prejudices and assumptions around affairs - and to hold off on our usual knee jerk attempts to approve or condemn. She wants, first and foremost, that we understand why infidelity happens and what really occurs when it does. Anyone who thinks they understand the topic already needs to read this book urgently. Perel's work amounts to a brilliantly intelligent plea for complexity, understanding and-always-kindness.'

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