The child of an alcoholic develops patterns of behavior during childhood which carry over into adult life. As children they were taught to cover up the family secret and suppress their feelings. No matter what is going on, as adults, when asked how she or he is doing your partner will likely answer "fine." Distrust, fear of abandonment, and sensitivity to criticism are all major issues for your adult child. Recognizing these patterns and changing the ones that cause problems will help you and your partner enjoy a deeper relationship.
Most apparent in the reading of this book is that Doug and Deborah Bey believe in the possibility of adult children of alcoholics being able to garner and sustain healthy couple-ship. Addressing the well known issues of lack of trust, hypervigilance, difficulty with conflict, inability to play, assuming the worst, and fear of commitment are just a few of the dynamics in which they offer support and direction for both partners. With a wealth of examples, compassion, and humor this couple offers validation and hope to the possibilities of developing secure and healthy relationships.--Claudia Black, Ph. D., best-selling author of It Will Never Happen To Me: Growing Up with Addiction as Youngsters, Adolescents, Adults