In 2009, on a beautiful sunny day, Megan Devine witnessed the accidental drowning of her beloved partner Matt. "All my professional experience as a therapist felt meaningless," she writes. "Grief literature is loaded with well-intended advice that can actually worsen and extend someone's pain. We just don't know how to handle loss in our culture." Megan has dedicated herself to helping people find a new way to deal with loss that honours our experience without trying to 'solve' grief.
With It's OK That You're Not OK, Megan reveals a path for navigating grief and loss, not by trying to escape it, but by learning to live inside of it with more grace and strength. Through stories, research, life tips, and mindfulness-based practices, she offers a unique guide through an experience we all must face. Here she debunks the culturally prescribed goal of returning to a normal, 'happy' life, replacing it with the skills and tools to help us experience and witness the pain of loss in ourselves and others — so we may meet our grief knowing it to be a natural step in the greater journey of love.
About the Author
Megan Devine holds a master's degree in counseling psychology. Through her many articles and speaking engagements, she has emerged as a bold new voice in the world of grief therapy. She lives in Portland, Oregon.
"It's OK That You're Not OK is a permission slip to feel what you feel, do what you do, and say what you say, when life finds you in a place of profound loss and the world seems hell-bent on telling you the right way to get back to being the person you'll never again be." --Jonathan Fields, author of How to Live a Good Life, founder of Good Life Project
"Megan Devine has captured the grief experience: grief is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be honored. She understands the pain that grieving people carry on top of their actual grief, including the pain of being judged, dismissed, and misunderstood. It's OK That You're Not OK is the book I've been waiting for for 30 years--the one I can recommend to any newly bereaved parent, widow, widower, or adult grieving a death." --Donna Schuurman, senior director of advocacy and training at The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families
"In this beautifully written offering for our broken hearts, Megan Devine antidotes the culture's messed up messages about bearing the unbearable. We don't have to apologize for being sad! Grief is not a disease from which we must be cured as soon as possible! Rather, the landscape of loss is one of the holiest spaces we can enter. Megan serves as our fearless, feisty, and profoundly compassionate guide." --Mirabai Starr, translator of Dark Night of the Soul: John of the Cross and author of Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss and Transformation
"This book is POWERFUL. Too many grief books focus on 'getting over it, ' but this book says: 'Look grief in the eye. Sit with it.' It's OK That You're Not OK comes at grief with no flinching. It's intelligent and honest. It's a message that everyone who has ever dealt with loss needs to read." --Theresa Reed, author of The Tarot Coloring Book
"Our current cultural norms surrounding death render us incapable of dealing with grief authentically and result in unknowingly causing more hurt and suffering to not only ourselves, but the people we care about most. It's OK That You're Not OK is the perfect how-to manual to help heal and support ourselves, each other, and our death-avoidant society." --Sarah Chavez, executive director of The Order of the Good Death
"Megan Devine knows grief intimately: she's a therapist and a widow. In this wonderfully honest and deeply generous book, Devine confronts the reality of grieving and reminds us that 'love is the thing that lasts.'" --Jessica Handler, author of Invisible Sisters: A Memoir and Braving the Fire: A Guide to Writing About Grief and Loss
"It's OK That You're Not OK is a wise and necessary book. Megan Devine offers a loving, holistic, and honest vision of what it means to 'companion each other inside what hurts.'" --Steve Edwards, author of Breaking into the Backcountry
"In a culture that leaves us all woefully unprepared to navigate grief, Megan Devine's book is a beacon for a better way of relating. It's OK That You're Not OK shows us the path to be companions, rather than saviors, to loved ones who are experiencing deep pain. This book should be required reading for being human." --Kate McCombs, relationship educator and creator of Tea & Empathy events
"Megan Devine tells the truth about loss, and in doing so, she normalizes an experience that has been censored and stigmatized. It's OK That You're Not OK is enormously comforting and validating. Through her life work--and now this important book--Megan leads us to a place that's rare in our culture: a place where our loss is valued and honored and heard." --Tr Miller Rodr guez, author of Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir
"One of the hardest things about going through hard times is trying to get and give support. In It's OK That You're Not OK Megan Devine guides us through tough times with grace. With loving acceptance and compassion, Megan is the new, warm perspective you need." --Vanessa Van Edwards, author of Captivate and behavioral investigator at ScienceofPeople.com
"Megan Devine shows us that rather than treat grief as an illness to recover from, we can approach it with warmth and understanding. This is an invaluable book." --Rene Denfeld, bestselling author of The Enchanted and The Child Finder
"This book is the radical take on grief we all need. Megan Devine breaks apart stereotypes and societal expectations that layer additional suffering on top of the intense heartbreak of loss. For those in grief, these words will bring comfort and a deep sense of recognition. With precise language, insightful reflections, and easy-to-implement suggestions, this book is a flashlight for finding a way in the darkest times. For anyone looking to support others in their grief, this is required reading!" --Jana DeCristofaro, coordinator of Children's Grief Services, The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families
"Megan Devine's hard-won wisdom has the power to normalize and validate the experience of grief. If you're tired of being asked, 'Are you better now?' read this book for a fresh perspective." --Chris Guillebeau, New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness of Pursuit
"Grief support and understanding that is heartfelt, straightforward, and wise." --Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart