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Can You Help Me? : A Guide for Parents - A. H. Brafman

Can You Help Me?

A Guide for Parents

Paperback

Published: 27th October 2004
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This book is based on questions that all parents have about their children and that they might want to ask a childcare professional, if they were given the chance. Children's relationships with their parents, their relationship with siblings and outside world are discussed in detail as well as questions on what is normal behaviour and when help should be sought. There are no set rules for raising children but certain situations might be better resolved after learning about other similar cases and hearing a professional's advice.
Drawing from his extensive experience as a child psychoanalyst (and a father), Dr. Brafman offers his thoughts on some most common problems faced when raising children. Questions tackled in the book include:
Is it possible to "baby" your child too much?
How important is "quality time"?
When does "making allowances" for a child become "spoiling" or "inappropriate"?
Discipline -- how to --without physical means.
When is a child "too naughty?"
How to deal with sibling rivalry -- when is it normal? When does it become inappropriate? How to be fair to both kids?
My child has been accused of bullying, what should I do?
How do marital conflicts affect the way parents relate to their child?

"There are so many books available telling parents how to bring up their children that the question arises: why another one? I want to believe that the present text offers two features that put it in a small minority of the books found in the bookstores. First, it tries to focus on situations as perceived by the child, rather than the usual observer's view of the child's behaviour. Second, it offers only a minimal number of answers. Instead, I have tried to discuss each question in such a way as to open up various possible solutions and leaving the final choice to the parents. This is because I have come to believe that finding an answer to a problem is much easier when one understands what relevant issues are involved. Because no two children are completely equal and the circumstances in which parents bring up each child are always changing, I think that an outsider can only give valid advice if he actually meets that particular set of parents and children. My intention, therefore, was to stimulate thought, rather than offer answers that, however plausible, might be of no actual relevance to the problems of the individual reader." --From the Introduction

Acknowledgementsp. xi
About the authorp. xiii
Introductionp. xv
The Child
Early days, early ways
Why are routines important for infants?p. 3
Is it possible to "baby" a child too much? Can affection become a hindrance?p. 6
Should I let my child make mistakes- and then help pick up the pieces?p. 9
I'm told I should put myself in my child's shoes: what does this mean, and how do I do it?p. 13
How can I listen properly to my child-and hear what he is really saying?p. 16
How important is "quality time"? How do I foster intimacy without making my child "sit and talk"?p. 18
When does "making allowances" become "spoiling" or "inappropriate"?p. 21
How can I discipline my child without using physical punishment?p. 25
What does physical punishment mean to the child?p. 29
Is it better to send children to nursery school or to look after them at home?p. 33
Trying their wings
How can I help my child towards becoming independent?p. 37
When should a child start to be independent?p. 39
Will what I say or do help my child learn to become his own person? Or will he just see it as meddling?p. 42
When is a child "too good"?p. 47
When is a child "too naughty"?p. 49
How can I tell what is bothering my child? Could it be depression?p. 51
My daughter keeps biting her nails and hair: how can we get her to stop doing this?p. 54
My son fiddles with his genitals; I don't mind this at home, but it's embarrassing in public: what shall I do?p. 57
Siblings and peers
Is rivalry between siblings normal? What if it becomes inappropriate or excessive? How can one be fair to both children?p. 61
Why does my son bite his big sister, though usually they play happily together? How can I put a stop to it?p. 63
One child has special needs, the other is "normal": how can parents manage?p. 65
Do parents have favourites? Why? Is this fair?p. 68
My child finds it difficult to make friends: can I do anything about this?p. 70
My child is being bullied: how can I help him?p. 73
My child has been accused of bullying: what should I do?p. 75
The Parents
Self-esteem, conflict, lifestyle
How does parents' self-esteem affect their relationship with their child?p. 79
My partner and I often argue: what effect will this have on our child?p. 82
How can parents handle their conflicting ideas about bringing up children?p. 85
When one parent undermines the authority of the other, what effect does this have? How can this pattern be changed?p. 88
Why shouldn't I disparage, belittle, or complain about my spouse (or ex-) to our child?p. 91
Bad relationships in families can repeat from generation to generation: how can this cycle be broken?p. 94
What effect does it have on the child if both parents are of the same sex?p. 97
Guilt, honesty
I'm in an egocentric whirl of self-recrimination about how I treat my child: how can I break out of this and focus on my child again?p. 101
It is normal for parents to feel guilty when their child has a disability: how does this guilt affect the child?p. 105
Why do parents blame or label their child when he is ill, misbehaves, or fails, rather than dealing with what he is trying to convey?p. 108
How do you apologize to a child when you are in the wrong? And what if your spouse is in the wrong and refuses to apologize?p. 110
I don't like my child's friends and feel they may be leading him astray: how should I react?p. 113
My children love to play with me, but eventually I get very bored: is it bad for them if I refuse to play any more?p. 115
I dislike my child: is this unnatural?p. 119
Needing help, seeking help
How will I know when I need outside help or my child does?p. 121
My child needs help, but I'm worried- what if he is "labelled"? What should I do? What else might prevent parents from being able to seek help?p. 125
My child needs help: to whom should I turn? Family? Church? School? Doctor? Psychiatrist?p. 128
When my child needs outside help or is in trouble, how do I deal with the professionals I will have to see?p. 129
Indexp. 135
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

ISBN: 9781855753112
ISBN-10: 1855753111
Audience: Tertiary; University or College
Format: Paperback
Language: English
Number Of Pages: 156
Published: 27th October 2004
Publisher: Taylor & Francis Ltd
Country of Publication: GB
Dimensions (cm): 24.8 x 17.1  x 1.27
Weight (kg): 0.32