Everything’s Coming Up Kardashian… (but I hear there’s a cream for it)

by |November 3, 2011

When the scholars of the far, far distant future, a million years from now, turn back to examine this era I do hope they know what they are doing. I would hate for them, in their haste to mistake one work of literature for another, as we surely do when examining the cave paintings of our distant cavemen ancestors… What follows is my attempt to help them…

Dollhouse: A Novel

(Note to future scholars: not to be confused with A Doll’s House: A Play by Ibsen)

by Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian and Khloe Kardashian

Dollhouse is an addictively entertaining novel about an exciting, high-profile, complicated family with a huge heart and a lot of love. Written by superstars Kourtney, Kim, and Khloé Kardashian, Dollhouse is a delicious glimpse that goes behind the glitter of fame into the hearts of three sisters fiercely devoted to one another and the family they love. Kourtney, Kim, and Khloé combined their truly scandalous imaginations with the secrets they know about life in the fast lane to give you a book like nothing you’ve ever read before!

Nothing is more important to the Rameros than family. Just ask Kamille, Kassidy, and Kyle—three beautiful, loving, and deeply loyal sisters who are the heart and soul of their family. Their mother has remarried and their new stepfather, a world-famous all-star baseball player, has come complete with two stepsiblings. Life in L.A. is pretty typical for this newly blended clan.

Until the day everything changes.

Overnight, one of the Ramero sisters has become famous—magazine-cover, fashion-icon, headline-making famous! Trailed by paparazzi, invited to every red carpet event, she has set a new standard for Hollywood royalty.

During eight whole years. . . we have never exchanged one serious word about serious things... from one Doll’s House to another…

You’d think that all the glitz and the glamour would make life a breeze. But as the sisters painfully discover, being a celebrity in L.A.’s gilded dollhouse isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Suddenly their problems are much bigger than sharing clothes and discussing crushes. Who knew that having a famous sister would bring up so many issues: jealousy, backstabbing friends, fix-ups, plastic surgery, and paparazzi run-ins, to name just a few. As the sisters deal with their new lives, complete with a televised wedding, crazy nightclub parties, and forbidden stepsibling attraction, there’s a huge secret that threatens to break even their tightest family bonds.

Kris Jenner… And All Things Kardashian

(Note to future scholars: not to be confused with The Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau)

by Kris Jenner

You think you know her . . .

The Kardashians are famous for letting it all hang out. Whether they’re moving cross-country, settling a family feud, dealing with heartbreak, or just having fun with one another, their lives are utterly relatable. No wonder America can’t get enough. But what have Kourtney, Kim, KhloÉ, and the rest of the Kardashian clan got that we haven’t got? Off-the-charts beauty, millions of dollars, and Kris Jenner—the superstar mom and manager who made them into the family we can’t resist.

On Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we watch Kris do it all. She runs a household, manages her children’s successful careers, produces four television shows featuring her larger-than-life family, and still finds time to tweet to her fans. How does she manage to maintain her composure, enviable elegance, and unflappable sense of humor? After raising six children of her own, in addition to being a stepmother to four and a grandmother, multitasking is Kris’s way of life. But she would have never made it without her unwavering belief in God.

It is infinitely more desirable to possess the lasting esteem of those about us, than at intervals to attract admiration…  from one Confessions to another…

In this thoughtful, candid, and no-nonsense memoir, Kris Jenner is an open book about the good times and the rough patches. She shares the reality of living her hectic life in the celebrity spotlight, touching on topics that will resonate with women everywhere—love, loss, marriage, divorce, motherhood, and faith. Kris talks about her marriages to Olympic champion Bruce Jenner and Robert Kardashian, the late father of her four oldest children—and how it was Bruce who finally helped end the Kardashians’ messy divorce so they could all move forward as a family. She writes with candor and vivid insider detail about her close friendships with Nicole Brown Simpson and O.J. Simpson, as well as Nicole’s murder, its aftermath, and the infamous trial. She also puts her oftencontroversial parenting style under the microscope as she relates the details of her decision to make her charming family into an international brand with a blockbuster reality television franchise.

If you think your life is chaotic, try keeping up with Kris Jenner.

Kardashian Konfidential

(Note to future scholars: not to be confused with Philosophy of the Boudoir Or, the Immoral Mentors  by Marquis de Sade)

by Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian

Headliners of four hit reality television shows and staple cover girls of your favorite weekly celebrity magazines, Kourtney, Kim, & Khloé Kardashian live large and glamorous lives. But to see how they really live and relate as sisters, fans clamoured to read Kardashian Konfidential making it an instant bestseller.

The book is their sisterhood autobiography, full of fun facts about their childhoods (guess who was the ugly duckling?), their beauty and style secrets, and the lessons on life, love and business they learned from their parents.

Kardashian Konfidential is as glamorous, fun and fashionable as the girls themselves and a perfect buy-one-for-me-buy-three-for-friends fan′s book.

Humane sentiments are baseless, mad, and improper; they are incredibly feeble; never do they withstand the gainsaying passions, never do they resist bare necessity… from one Mentor to another…

A new chapter written just for this paperback edition focuses on their business acumen: their success at building a brand and maintaining it, and at making a living out of what they love and believe in. This chapter is a What Color is Your Parachute? for young, style-conscious, modern women and men. With a raft of products, major media presence, and endorsements, the Kardashian sisters not only know how to make it work, they communicate what it takes to be successful.

′Endearing…a must-read for any true Kardashian fan.′ ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

That man is successful who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much, who has gained the respect of the intelligent men and the love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had.  Robert Louis Stevenson

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About the Contributor

While still in his twenties, John Purcell opened a second-hand bookshop in Mosman, Sydney, in which he sat for ten years reading, ranting and writing. Since then he has written, under a pseudonym, a series of very successful novels, interviewed hundreds of writers about their work, appeared at writers’ festivals, on TV (most bizarrely in comedian Luke McGregor’s documentary Luke Warm Sex) and has been featured in prominent newspapers and magazines. ​Now, as the Director of Books at booktopia.com.au, Australia’s largest online bookseller, he supports Australian writing in all its forms. He lives in Sydney with his wife, two children, three dogs, five cats, unnumbered gold fish and his overlarge book collection. His novel, The Girl on the Page, will be published by HarperCollins Australia in October, 2018.

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Comments

  • November 3, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    “Filed under: Biography/Memoir, Feminism, Horror”

    Well played, Booktopia. Well played.

    • November 4, 2011 at 7:20 am

      Thank you. Thank you. I would like also to thank the Lord Jesus Christ , Our Saviour for all the wealth, power and naked ambition he has, in his wisdom, bestowed upon me.

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