The Cheapskate’s Gift Guide

by |December 4, 2010


Astute Buyer’s Gift Guide

more commonly known as

The Cheapskate’s Gift Guide

Are you neither cheap nor astute?

Do not fret this guide is also suited to those who desire to adorn a main gift with many little gifts.

More is more. Imagine a Christmas tree surrounded by a few choice, neat and expensive presents. Yep, spare, cheerless and cold. Now picture the same tree rooted in a massive pile of brightly coloured and ill-wrapped presents – magnificent, isn’t it? Indulge your Christmas fantasies this year. No one need know how little such apparent opulence cost you!

Look, I’ll be honest, all of the books below are cheap, bloody cheap but that doesn’t make them rubbish – I’ve selected carefully, as you’ll see.

Buy here and buy more for less – it’s not meant to happen that way, I know, but it’s the magic of Booktopia. So deal with it.

Christmas Orders:
For delivery before Christmas, Booktopia recommends buying “In Stock” titles only. These titles are marked “Ships in 1 to 2 Business Days”.

Four great titles your MOTHER will love because last year you gave her a bag of dirty laundry and a promise to do better.

Four great titles your FATHER better appreciate, as you remember him saying once – “it’s the thought that counts”.

Four great titles your WIFE will gladly accept as, after so many years together, she has very low expectations.

Four great titles your HUSBAND will cherish because they will be the last things you will give him before you leave him for your barista.

Four great titles your SON may not hate as much as the ballroom dancing lessons which accompany it.

Four great titles your DAUGHTER will forgive you for giving her if you come up with the goods with your main present.

Four great titles your BROTHER will accept with a bland smile while trying to work out just how little you spent on him.

Four great titles your SISTER will receive with a suspicion wondering if they’re books you took from her own bookcase and wrapped.

Four great titles your BOYFRIEND will receive with thanks and then sit waiting for you to bring out the real present.

Four great titles your GIRLFRIEND will make a fuss over only because she thinks the books are a prelude to something much nicer.

Four great titles your AUNT will hug and kiss you for giving her – so you might want to think about getting her something else.

Four great titles your UNCLE will be pleased to receive for, as he likes to say, “One always needs good reading material for the loo”.

Four great titles your NIECE better like, as you’re not returning them.

Four great titles your NEPHEW will wonder at, not having seen a book before.

Four great titles your GRANDFATHER might actually like, but then, since the ‘incident’ he’s never been very hard to please.

Four great titles your GRANDMOTHER probably won’t mind receiving – she always makes such good use of books… like the ones that prop up her broken bed.

Four great titles your GRANDSON will adore, or at least that’s what you’ll think, he’s such a good little actor.

Four great titles your GRANDDAUGHTER will say she always wanted, when what she really wanted was an iPad.

Four great titles for the FRIEND who has stuck by you through thick and thin, who already knows how cheap you are, and would probably even accept a slap across the face with a wet fish from you without a grumble.

Eight great titles for the CHILDREN everybody you know seems intent on mass-producing and whose birthday’s clutter up your diary and empty your wallet.

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About the Contributor

While still in his twenties, John Purcell opened a second-hand bookshop in Mosman, Sydney, in which he sat for ten years reading, ranting and writing. Since then he has written, under a pseudonym, a series of very successful novels, interviewed hundreds of writers about their work, appeared at writers’ festivals, on TV (most bizarrely in comedian Luke McGregor’s documentary Luke Warm Sex) and has been featured in prominent newspapers and magazines. ​Now, as the Director of Books at, Australia’s largest online bookseller, he supports Australian writing in all its forms. He lives in Sydney with his wife, two children, three dogs, five cats, unnumbered gold fish and his overlarge book collection. His novel, The Girl on the Page, will be published by HarperCollins Australia in October, 2018.

Follow John: Twitter Website


  • Malvina

    December 4, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    This is one of the funniest blogs you’ve written. Gold.

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