GIFT GUIDE FOR THOSE IN A HURRY
Or… How to shop for everyone you know in next to no time!
Think of the Booktopia Book Guru as your Evil Genius Twin and let him do the choosing for you – all you need to do is click on the books you want and buy them. Too easy. No really, it’s too easy. I should make it a little harder… just kidding – have fun!
If you share the Booktopia Book Guru, John Purcell’s sense of humour you may like to subscribe to the Booktopia Blog and follow him on Twitter where you can chat with him about books, writing and silly stuff, live. Oh, and don’t forget Booktopia’s Facebook page.
Top 4 Titles to keep your HUSBAND reading during the holidays instead of using his newly bought and much loved nail-gun to build a zeppelin, to pick his nose, to fix the leaking shower, to attach wings to the dog creating a flying dog which he will then name Flog…
Top 4 Titles to keep your WIFE reading and happy over the holidays while you try to resell the monster truck you accidentally bought on an online auction and haven’t yet told her about.
Top 4 Titles for the small DAUGHTER who only has to purse her lips and crinkle her nose to have you prostrate on the floor promising to be a better parent.
Top 4 Titles for the grown DAUGHTER whom you know loves you because she allowed you to be her friend on Facebook.
Top 4 Titles for the SON who started to read when he broke his arm that one time he ventured away from the Xbox and into the garden.
Top 4 Titles for the SON who needs to shave more often than you do, has more money than you do and whose only trouble with women is that he has too much choice.
Top 4 Titles for your MOTHER who said recently that if it wasn’t for her books she would have strangled your father years ago… and then added, I’m kidding, but you knew she wasn’t.
Top 4 Titles for your FATHER who took a book to the maternity ward, read during your school concert, sports carnival, driving lessons and wedding but who always wants to have a chat when you’ve settled yourself down with book and a cup of tea.
Top 4 Titles for the AUNT who knows that everything said here is in jest and that last year’s description bore no real resemblance to anybody living or dead.
Top 4 Titles for the UNCLE whose fart jokes, funny when you were ten, caused an uncomfortable silence during your wedding reception, a silence he promptly broke with a loud fart of his own.
Top 4 Titles for your GIRLFRIEND you hope will distract from the awful truth that her main present, a 3D TV, is really for you.
Top 4 Titles your BOYFRIEND will find so engrossing he won’t notice that the retreat you’ve booked for your holidays has no TV and he won’t be able to watch the Ashes.
Top 4 Titles for that OLD FRIEND you don’t see but buy a present for every year as it seems to stop you from confessing that you slept with their partner twenty years ago.
Top 4 Titles for your GRANDMOTHER who snatches all books greedily even though she doesn’t read much – you suspect it’s because back in the nursing home she trades books for privileges.
Top 4 Titles for your GRANDFATHER who likes nothing better than to frighten all of the kids by playing dead beneath the Christmas tree.
Top 4 Titles for the BROTHER who can recite the whole of Happy Gilmore, Kick Ass and Zoolander from memory but who cannot, even with these talents, land a grown-up job.
Top 4 Titles for a SISTER who seems to thinks you’re too thick to choose the right book for her and so gave you a list, which you lost. (Remember? Last year you bought her the Top Gear Annual)
Top 4 Titles for the teenage NEPHEW you sprayed with capsicum spray last Christmas when he came out to greet you – an honest mistake, you thought he was a mugger.
Top 4 Titles for a NIECE who was dressed like an easy eighteen year old at age ten, looked like Ugly Betty at thirteen and who has since settled for a wardrobe of black and the pallor of the undead.
Top 4 Titles for a NEPHEW who likes to start fires, eats worms, can burp the national anthem and is about six or eleven.. ish.
Top 4 Titles for a NIECE who has no front teeth, likes to say ‘front-bottom’ in company which causes her to break into giggles which almost kill her and who is exactly ten (or seven).
Top 4 Titles for GRANDCHILDREN you are only too happy to visit… on Facebook.
Top 4 Titles for the GIRLS AT WORK even though last year they gave you a fridge magnet, a bottle of nail polish remover, a framed photo of Barry Manilow and a packet of incontinence pads.
Top 4 Titles for the BOSS who took you to dinner to give you a promotion and a raise!
Top 4 Titles for the BOSS who gave you a raise but only after he had dinner at your place a number of times while you were away on a business trip in China!
Top 4 Great Titles to keep gift-wrapped in a cupboard just in case Greg Norman turns up with his new, new wife, or Madonna & Angelina turn up with three new kids apiece, or, and admittedly this is a long shot, there is a glitch in the Matrix and you find you suddenly have a new brother called Gerald.
Top 4 Titles for the MYSTERY PERSON you luck upon in your office/club Kris Kringle, who you hope is not the same person who picked your car keys out of the bowl at the Valentines Day Party.
Top 4 Titles for the TEACHER who cried at the parent teacher meeting saying, I’d need to be an alchemist to turn that lump of ore into gold!
Finally, a short list for those long suffering married folk who have been lumbered with the job of buying presents for everyone, even their lazy partner’s dysfunctional family.
Top 4 Titles for the MOTHER-IN-LAW who once said your potato salad was excellent – you’ve been waiting for another compliment for the last ten years.
Top 4 Titles for the FATHER-IN-LAW who used to frighten you a little bit, and now just frightens you a lot.
Top 4 Titles for the BROTHER-IN-LAW who takes up his position by the BBQ at every family get together, legs firmly planted, beer in hand even when we’re not barbequing.
Top 4 Titles for the SISTER-IN-LAW who is perfect in every way but one, and that is she’s perfect in every way.
Top 4 Titles for the SON-IN-LAW you’ve come to love, especially since your daughter finally succeeded with the toilet training.
Top 4 Titles for the DAUGHTER-IN-LAW who was instrumental in helping you decide when it was the right time for a Sea-Change. ie: four days after the wedding.
NB: Publishers can (and do) change covers without warning & titles are available only while publisher’s stocks last.