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Actualizations - Stewart Emery

Paperback

Published: 14th March 1978
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Stewart Emery was one of the first people to lead EST training, and one of the founders of Actualizations, a supportive and loving workshop that helps people establish joyful relationships in their lives. The purpose of this book is to provide the groundwork for a complete transformation of its reader’s relationships—into sources of joy, satisfaction, and exhilarating personal growth. The philosophy described here will allow you to deepen not only your connection with others, but your understanding of yourself. Emery’s Actualizations will allow you to live life to its fullest—no reservation, or rehearsal, required!

Prologue
The Central Issue of Our Existencep. 3
Separation Is an Illusionp. 4
Who Are we, Anyway?
Some Basic Psychologyp. 10
You and I: the Religious Modelp. 11
You and I: the Freudian Modelp. 12
You and I: the Behaviorist Modelp. 14
You and I: the Humanistic Modelp. 17
The Qualities of Self-actualized Peoplep. 19
You and I: the Actualizations Modelp. 21
Creative Intelligencep. 24
Let's Kill Some Sacred Cows in the Arena of Human Growthp. 25
How we got to be the way we are, and the Transformation of our Relationship with Ourselves
The Birth of Separationp. 32
Life Before Birthp. 32
A Ticket to the Showp. 34
What Do We Do When Life Is No Fun?p. 35
The Form Junkiep. 36
Temporary Well-being--the Carrot We Run Afterp. 39
Moving Up to Doubt and Confusionp. 41
Fear of Worseningp. 42
What Do you Really Want, Anyway?p. 42
The Only Way Outp. 43
What Does Transformation Taste Like?p. 44
Example: The Transformation of Your Relationship with Fearp. 45
Getting Detached from Formp. 47
How to be Committed to Our Own Well-beingp. 48
A Viewpoint of Accountabilityp. 48
Wisdom, Humor, and Simplicityp. 50
Clarityp. 51
Clarity and Relationshipp. 52
Powerp. 52
Action--the Tools of Change and Transformationp. 54
The Ultimate and Only Security We Havep. 55
Our Relationship with out Parents
The Mechanics of a Conditioned Realityp. 58
The First Event in Our Lifep. 60
The Next Event: the Day We Decided We Were Not Okayp. 63
The Birth of the Actp. 64
Event Number Three: the Day We Decided We Couldn't Winp. 65
How We Solve the Problem of Avoiding Losingp. 66
Don't Playp. 66
Keep Others from Winningp. 67
Don't Complete Anythingp. 68
Destroy the Gamep. 68
Play the Nice-guy Routinep. 69
Become a Problemp. 69
Don't Take It Personallyp. 71
The Transformation of our Relationship with our Body
Shake Hands with Your Bodyp. 76
The Secret of Going All the Wayp. 77
Don't Make the Trip More Important than the Reason You Took the Tripp. 79
"Caution: Living May Be Hazardous to Your Health"p. 80
Be Good to Yourselfp. 80
The Body as a Source of Our Liberationp. 81
A Final Note About Healthp. 82
Without Communication, There is Nothing
Communication Is the Basis of Relationshipp. 87
Are You In There?p. 87
Realityp. 88
Tennis, Anyone?p. 91
How to Listen Loudlyp. 92
The Art of Disengagement, or How Not to Take Everything Personallyp. 94
Listening for Effectsp. 96
A Sixty-forty Propositionp. 96
Listening for Our Own Responsep. 98
Listening for Patternsp. 98
Listening for Discordp. 99
How Not to Listenp. 100
Listening for Feelingsp. 102
Listening for What Is Not Being Saidp. 103
We Hear What We Want to Hear and See What We Want to Seep. 104
Passive Listening Won't Workp. 105
How to Know When You Are Being Heardp. 106
Transforming Our Romantic Relationships
How to Transform Our Romantic Relationshipsp. 110
The Difference Between Being in Love and Falling in Itp. 111
"You Are I, and I Love Myself"p. 112
Being in Lovep. 113
Love Is Insufficient Grounds for a Relationshipp. 114
The Difference Between Commitment and Attachmentp. 117
What Do We Really Want from Each Other?p. 117
The Importance of Equalityp. 118
The All-important Quantum et Solacep. 119
The Form Supports the Purposep. 119
A Fundamental Principle of Relationshipsp. 120
The Real Purpose of a Relationshipp. 121
Where to Beginp. 122
Two Halves Make a Quarterp. 123
It Is Not Nice to Be Neededp. 124
How We Manipulate and Controlp. 124
Surrenderp. 125
Don't Require That You Partner Be Psychicp. 127
If You Want Something, Askp. 127
How Do I Know if I Can Trust You?p. 128
How to Be Togetherp. 129
One Person Can Transform a Relationshipp. 130
It Takes Great Courage to Be a Great Loverp. 131
Transforming Your Relationship with Your Own Sexuality
Both Men and Women Are Peoplep. 134
The Nonsense We Are Sold About Being a Manp. 135
How to Get Beyond the Conditioningp. 140
Are Women Better than Men?p. 141
What Is This Thing Called Sex?p. 142
The Relationships we Call Friendship
What Friendship Isn'tp. 148
Your Enemies Contribute More to You than Your Friendsp. 149
What Is a True Friendship?p. 149
Whom to Hang Out withp. 150
Being Graciously Uncomfortablep. 151
What Is a Friend?p. 153
An Exercise in Appreciationp. 153
How to Transform Your Relationship with Your Children
Children Are People with Small Bodiesp. 156
The Greatest Contribution You Can Make to Your Childp. 157
The Vital Art of Acknowledgmentp. 158
"They're Only Children"p. 159
Take the Time to Listenp. 159
Children Can Be Our Teachersp. 161
The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Childrenp. 162
How to Support Your Childrenp. 164
Acknowledgment Worksp. 165
Some Rules of Acknowledgmentp. 166
Relationship with the Boss
Enlightenment in Businessp. 170
The Challenge of Enlightened Managementp. 170
What Is Englightened Management?p. 171
The Greatest Opportunity There Isp. 171
Transforming a Business: Where to Startp. 172
The Second Step: "Who Wants to Play?"p. 173
The Third Step: "What Can We Give Each Other?"p. 174
The Final Step: Getting On with Itp. 175
A Case Historyp. 176
The Actualizations Staffp. 177
Some Mistakes Businesses Makep. 179
Don't Accept Problems Without Proposed Solutionsp. 179
What Happens When We Are the Employeep. 181
Why Would Anyone Hire Us?p. 181
It's Nothing Personal--Just Businessp. 182
It's All the Samep. 183
How to Transform Your Relationship with Reality
This Way to the Gurup. 186
What Is Englightenment?p. 187
Is This Permanent Enlightenment?p. 188
Become a Master of Realityp. 188
Everything You Wanted to Know About Failure but Were Afraid to Askp. 189
Where to start: Fear of Failurep. 189
Yellow Alerts and Red Alertsp. 194
The Source of Failurep. 195
Spectrum of Failurep. 196
Say Hello to Your Companionp. 198
An Exercisep. 198
If You Make Reality Your Enemy, You Losep. 200
Transforming Your Relationship with Life--The Pursuit of Purposes and Goals
Why Have Goals Become a Rip-off?p. 206
What is a Goal, Anyway?p. 208
The Myth of Independencep. 210
What Do You Want Out of Life?p. 211
What Is the Purpose of Life?p. 212
What Do We Really Want?p. 215
Getting On with Itp. 218
What If I Had Just Six Months to Live?p. 220
Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved.

ISBN: 9780385131223
ISBN-10: 0385131224
Audience: General
Format: Paperback
Language: English
Number Of Pages: 244
Published: 14th March 1978
Publisher: DOUBLEDAY & CO
Country of Publication: US
Dimensions (cm): 21.0 x 11.5  x 1.6
Weight (kg): 0.29
Edition Number: 1